A Moment in My Life – Monday, April 26, 2021
“We all want what we ain’t got.” At first glance, it made me think of wanting something like a new toy the Jones has that might be a bit out of reach. For me, it was acquiring something in purple. Purple wasn’t always as available as it is now. It killed me when I bought something in whatever color they had, only for them to come out with purple months later. Ugh. Now, what? Repurchase it just for the color? I admit I have bought the item twice just because they later came out with purple. Then, I had to figure out what to do with the non-purple one. Luckily, my niece welcomed the metallic gray Kitchen-Aid stand mixer when I replaced it with one in purple.
I know what I just shared is simplistic. Wouldn’t it be nice if life were simple? Alas, that’s not always the case. If it were, then there wouldn’t be songs like this one where Jake Owen rips my heart out with his words. Life is filled with aspirations, desires, and dreams that feel so close but are so far away. For some people, their dreams fall right into place seemingly effortlessly. For others, try as they might; it never seems to become a reality.
I don’t covet what others have. I’m happy for them. The way I see it, if it were meant for me, then one day it would come my way, too. I don’t need to have what others have. I’m content, so I thought, until Jake sang, “We all want what we ain’t got. All I want is what I had. I’ll trade it all just to get her back.” His melancholy ballad longing for what he had sent a shiver of emotion through my core as a similarity woke the repressed desire of my heart, and the silent screams bounced off the walls within. Nobody can hear what’s in my heart.
I’ve archived that desire into limbo land, never to surface again. “All I want is what I had. I’ll trade it all just to get her back,” is too close to home because that is how I feel. I do want what I had. I was living my dream until Mark’s death robbed me of it. I would trade it all just to get him back. I still see us as little hunched over 80 somethings walking hand-in-hand, balancing ourselves with canes out for a morning walk through the park. It feels so real and so unfair that regardless of how badly I want this, it won’t ever happen.
My heart’s desire isn’t as easy to fulfill as a new toy, and neither is waiting for a dream to become a reality. Life isn’t that simple. We may never get what we want in this lifetime, but we have to keep striving for it because you never know where your path may lead. I believe there is a season for everything, and people come into our lives for a season, and then they move along. As much as my heart hurts, I know Mark came into my life for a reason. I guess he completed his purpose, and it was time for him to leave to make room for what God has planned for me in the future. I have to trust Him because He has my best interest in mind. With that said, it doesn’t mean that everything is suddenly peachy. We, being humans, will always tend to covet what we don’t have. The neighbor’s grass may still seem greener, but the truth is things aren’t always the way it looks. Regardless of how easy it seems, it took a lot of work to appear effortless for some people to achieve their dreams, which means with hard work, all of us stand a chance of acquiring our goals. All we can do is try.
For me, I will trust that I’ll meet my other soulmate one day because God doesn’t want me to be alone, but that doesn’t mean that I will ever forget Mark. He’ll always be an essential part of me. I never thought of myself as covetous, but this song revealed another way that I am—not by what others have, but what I had. In that way, I too wanted what we ain’t got.