A Moment in My Life – Wednesday, September 29, 2021
Jeannie Yee Davis
Last week, I wrote about the cool guy that woke up the insecure little school girl in me that was no fun to have around. Boy, I couldn’t wait to send her back to the past where she belonged. I did not enjoy her visit, and I sure hope she’ll never visit me again, and that would be too soon. However, she was a part of who I am. Like it or not, it is what it is. I might be a completely different person today had she not been me. Who knows, had I been a different person, I might have turned out to be a big jerk that nobody likes today. For that reason, I am grateful for who I was, even if I didn’t like that old me.
I’ve learned so much about myself since her visit. For starters, we all have skeletons hanging in the closet, and I don’t mean those we decorate the front porch with on Halloween. The skeletons I’m referring to, we leave in the dark corner of the closet cobwebbed over, ignored, and hopefully, forgotten. Until something triggers us to open that closet door and dust off the cobwebs, something causes us to take out that skeleton, which is bound to happen. We’d have to face our old selves as awkwardly, uncomfortably, and painfully so. It’s only a matter of time.
Having done that recently, I survived the encounter as traumatizing as it initially was. As I dusted off the cobwebs, I stared in my mind’s eye and saw the scared little girl I was who wanted so badly to be loved for who she was, which was a tall order since she didn’t love herself. How could she when her mother kept telling her she was good for nothing? She could never imagine someone loving her. Her mother didn’t, so why should she? Why should she even like herself when it seemed like nobody did? Kids at school could be so mean to each other. I’m sure I wasn’t alone in that thinking. It’s awful the torture that kids do to each other and themselves by spewing negatives and tearing down each other’s psyches. I can see how some kids grow up all messed up and do not survive the growing pains.
Most of us managed to grow up okay, scar tissues and all. And that was the biggest lesson I learned from this incident that who we were as kids do not guarantee the people we become as adults. As kids, our appearance was everything. Everybody strived to look like everybody else and do whatever it took to be cool, but inside, we were all the same. That’s the funny part, but we didn’t know it then.
I’ve gotten to know my cool guy better, and wow, he truly is a cool guy—nothing like the cool guys of my youth who only looked the part. My cool guy is a genuinely good person who happens to be warm, loving, and full of kindness—that’s it—that’s what made him cool. His looking the part was a bonus. As we got to know each other better, he figuratively held my hand and escorted the insecure little girl back to the past where she belonged with his reassuring words, and he has since become an amazing buddy of mine.
My cool guy takes his time to hear my words, and when we’re together, I am his priority. I don’t feel rushed. From him, I learned that that is the key to live by—focus on the person you’re with and honestly give them your attention as if they are the most important person in the world. Everybody wants to feel special, and that’s how Brian, my cool guy makes me feel—growing up would’ve been a breeze if I had been more like him as I concentrated on others instead of internalizing my insecurities. It doesn’t take much effort, but an ounce goes a long way when we exercise the golden rule of less of me and more of you.