A Moment in My Life – Friday, December 10, 2021
Jeannie Yee Davis
Allegra and Chunk finally succumbed to their intensifying feelings for each other. One thing led to another, sending them inadvertently on their first date. It all fell into place seamlessly. It was a solid deal, only to have everything go south the following morning when Allegra announced to Chunk that she didn’t think they should see each other again. The befuddled Chunk speechlessly accommodated Allegra’s wishes and left without an argument. They resumed life as coworkers, pretending the date never happened. Has this ever happened to you? This particular storyline was a scene from this week’s “The Flash,” but it could have conceivably been anybody’s story.
Fast forward ten years, where the apparent sexual tension between the two prevailed so thick that everybody at S.T.A.R. Labs knew something was up between the two from their nervous, awkward flirtations whenever the two were in the same room. However, both denied anything was going on when asked. They finally admitted their love for each other when Armageddon threatened the end of the world.
Wow! Ten years! Ten years, people! That’s a lifetime—wasted. You never know what might happen in ten years. After my late husband Mark’s first surgery to remove his cancerous thyroids and some cancerous lymph nodes, his oncologist said his cancer might return in twenty years. I went ballistic, freaking out hearing that it might return in twenty years. After everything that transpired, what I would give for those twenty years. A year later, he needed another surgery to remove more cancerous cells. It was a never-ending game. My heart raced, and my body was a pool of jelly every time he got lab results back. It was never good news. It became our new normal to live with the variations of better or worst results. For eight years, we played this game until his body finally lost the fight when leukemia joined the game. Then it was game over. Mark didn’t make ten years with his cancer.
During the last weeks of Mark’s life, I prayed for a miracle. Since I expected a miracle, I needed to stay optimistic and uplifting for Mark, giving him hope and avoiding any talk that indicated death. On the other hand, I should have addressed the final moments. Discussing the end felt like I was a hypocrite—not trusting God would deliver the miracle. I now know that avoiding the last stage did nobody any good. In hindsight, I should have asked all the questions I could think of while Mark was here. It was Catch-22, giving him hope while preparing for the worst.
I know better now. Once I learned of my soul sister Lenore’s terminal cancer from her roommate, Matt, I knew I needed to hustle and tell her everything I wanted to say to her while she was still with us. I hoped that she would have her final words for me, too. You can imagine how devastated I was when Matt told me not to say anything to Lenore that reminds her of her cancer. Excuse me? How does this work? She knows she has terminal cancer. She knows she has weeks left. What was the sense in disguising that? At this point, if we dance around the elephant in the room, we can’t say the heart-felt words that we want to say. How do you tell her everything she means to you without her suspecting that this might be the last time I get to spill my heart out to her? It’s crazy. I did the best I could to spill my heart without upsetting her.
Words, in the end, are all that we have to get our message across without being misunderstood. I’ve always known how imperative communication is, but being human, the simple act of communicating is the scariest and most challenging thing to do. It’s irrelevant whether it’s good or bad. Talking to another person is the hardest thing for us to do, which explains why Allegra and Chunk, who saw each other daily and were insanely in love with each other, but they couldn’t divulge that to each other. They would rather live without experiencing the love together than risk the spoken word’s rejection.
This story reminds me of a friend who finally connected with a guy she had a crush on for years. She was ecstatic to learn that he had a crush on her for a while as well. They were in the early stages of getting to know each other and hitting it off nicely. They had much in common, and they enjoyed being together, especially sharing bear hugs. Although their story spanned a month, but similar to Allegra and Chunk’s story, one day, it went south without a word. They appear to be still friends, but whatever potential romance might have been—fizzled. Why? Why do these things happen? She got me at the edge of my seat. I want to know what happened! I am curious how the story ends.
I am a firm believer in talking things out. Our minds are tremendous storytellers. We tell ourselves stories all the time. It may not be the truth, and most likely is the wrong interpretation of the situation. That can cause havoc in relationships. Nobody knows what is going on in someone’s mind or life unless they tell us what’s going on. The reader could easily mistake something as simple as a comment in a FB post. That’s when it’s unfortunate when people don’t ask for clarification. It breaks my heart to think people would make up what they think you mean instead of asking you directly. Can you imagine the hurt relationships that stem from misinterpretations of words spoken? Or no words are spoken like when someone has a change of heart in a relationship for whatever reason, and they walk away without talking things out or giving the other person the respect of an explanation.
Relationships are the most important thing in our lives, and communication keeps the relationship strong and healthy. I know it is horrifying to face someone and tell them your heart, whether love or hurt. It’s never easy, but we have to try because there is nothing worse than blowing a good relationship over the fear of rejection or hurt or a misunderstanding. Sure, after you talk things out, maybe the right course of action might be to go separate ways, but at least you both agree, and you know how you got there and where you’re going. For me, there is nothing worse than the unknown of why a relationship didn’t work out.
We don’t always have control over how people handle situations, but ideally, I would like to avoid at all costs not letting this become my reality of having to mourn the one that got away.