Posted in A Moment in My Life

“Friends, Always!”

A Moment in My Life – Monday, November 23, 2020

My dear friend Steve and I began today reminiscing down memory lane. He took a leap of faith into the unknown when he left the bay area for Phoenix, which turned out a good move for him. We agreed that at times we both have wondered “what if” we had done things differently. What if he had stayed in San Francisco? 

Although I never considered moving away, he made me wonder what if I did? Before I left Schwab, I was given a relocation offer to Denver. My immediate answer was, “No, thank you.” On the other hand, my husband was like Steve, and he was ready to pack it up and move. My response to him was, “I hope you have a good life there,” because I surely wasn’t going anywhere. I am proud of Steve for being brave and having moved, and I’m thrilled that everything worked out so well for him. For me, I am grateful that we did not move to Denver. Had we moved, I’d be there all alone 1,300 miles away from my circle of support at the end of Mark’s life. Not a good thought. Thinking back, neither Steve nor I have any regrets about the choices we made.   

Our chat reminded me of all the friends I know who have moved away. Within the last five years, it seemed like almost everybody I knew was moving away. I am a creature of habit and don’t like change, but it happens. It has happened. Many of my friends have moved farther out in California, and many moved out of state. It hasn’t been so bad, though, with Facebook and social media keeping us connected. I still miss having them nearby so we could break bread and visit together. We can’t spontaneously hang out anymore, but we can chat all we want via social media.

A while ago, a very dear girlfriend sprung her plans to take early retirement in a tropical paradise on some island in Hawaii. I love her, and I love Hawaii. I can’t blame her. That was the one time I, myself, was this close to moving there after just one visit. Mark and I spent that whole flight home debating the pros and cons of moving to Hawaii. Alas, when the plane landed at SFO, reality bit us hard. No more azure sunlit skies. Only a familiar cold overcast welcomed us home, reminding us this is where we belong, and we went back to routine.

You would think I’d be happy for her, but truth be told, instead of joy, I felt panicked. Panic for selfish reasons. The simple fear of losing her companionship. I already started missing her and missing hanging out with her like we so often do. I will be happy for her because that’s what she wants to do. Disregarding my feelings, I support her decision, but selfishly, I don’t want her to move away. 

Looking at the bright side, after she moves to Hawaii, I won’t have my BFF in my day-to-day life anymore, but I will have a guaranteed vacation spot. I will get to reunite with two of my loves—Hawaii and my BFF, not in any particular order. This is how I console myself, and it puts a smile on my face, but inside, my heart still feels the loss of another social connection. After Steve and I had our little chat this morning, he reminded me that it doesn’t matter how many miles come between us. We will be there for each other because we are friends, always!

Leave a Reply