A Moment in My Life – Tuesday, August 24, 2021
Jeannie Yee Davis
It’s never gonna be the way it was, and that’s called sad because I liked it the way it was. This truth is painful for someone who dislikes change. It can’t be helped. Sometimes, we have to bite the bullet and just let it happen, particularly when we know it’s for the greater good. It takes a lot to nudge me into this direction, especially if I were happy where I was. I rarely sought out opportunities. I didn’t have to because doors opened for me at the right times, and I knew it was time to move on, like it or not.
As much as it pains me, it’s time to make a change in an area of my life that I loved. Previously, I told a friend that I adore being with this group sharing a common passion that bonds us and brings joy to my heart, but things weren’t as pleasant as they could be. She asked why I stuck around, and I answered because I enjoyed being with these people and had fun every time I’m with them. I figured when it’s no longer fun anymore. Then it was time for me to leave. Little did I know it would be so soon.
I’m a romance enthusiast, but it has to make sense. One blatant example is the quote from “Love Story,” where Jenny said, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” I’m sorry, who taught you that? That has got to be the worse bad advice anybody could give someone. “Mothers are always right,” says the old saying. Seriously? Who coined that? I bet you it was a mother. Well, let me tell you. My mother used to say, “Silly girl, you don’t have to say thank you. We’re family.” Excuse me? No, I didn’t say that to my mother. Oh, no. I dare not. I thought it, though. Thank you, along with I’m sorry, should be high on the etiquette list for survival. It is imperative to exercise proper etiquette to survive in any relationship.
Thank you, especially those two little words, “I’m sorry,” could be the difference between saving or breaking a relationship. If ever in doubt, I would imagine during this pandemic where groups of people are shut in together in cramp quarters that proved I am right.
“I’m sorry” may have made all the difference in my decision, but I didn’t get offered that. Words are indeed sharper than a sword. Once a stab wound heals, there may be no scars, and you may forget it was ever there. Hurtful words, once spoken, can never be taken back, but I’m sorry could act like a medicative bandage that can ease the healing. Without it, it leaves an open wound that may never heal. It’s those hurtful words that are the catalyst to my decision. I can give him the benefit of the doubt, but since there was no apology, it appears that he meant those words, and to make matters worse, it seems it doesn’t bother him that he hurt me. If he offered a sorry, he would tell me he cares about my feelings, and I could look past that and work through the hurt.
However, I realized there’s more to this equation. A more significant issue here fueled the problem, and I don’t need a license to diagnose it. If I stay in the group, there’s always going to be a problem because “I’m the problem.” I’m always going to set this person off. I mentioned that things weren’t as pleasant as they could be, and that’s because I had to watch my p’s and q’s not to set this person off. That’s preventing me from being my true self, but I was willing to do that for harmony-sake. Now, even walking on eggshells, I still managed to set him off. That tells me that it’s my presence that sets him off. I am not willing to change who I am to avoid setting anybody off. I never had to change myself for my husband, my family, or for a job. Why should I do so for someone who doesn’t matter? I tried to be accommodating, but enough is enough. As much as I love the rest of the gang, it’s no longer fun with all the restrictions on me, so it’s time for me to leave. I know if I stay anyway, it’s never gonna be the way it was.