Posted in Truths Revealed

Who I Am

By Jeannie Yee Davis

Truths Revealed – April 2, 2024

The human in me has a hard time loving me, who I am, the way I am. I’m more flawed than I care to admit and so far away from not only perfect but from the image of who I want to be, who I think I should be, and, more so, who I see myself as. Today’s devotional reading reminded me that I must first love myself before I can love someone else. Knowing this truth for quite a while doesn’t make it easier—just another reminder of my imperfections.

None of us talk about it, but we would learn that we are all the same if we did. We’re all imperfect, with flaws and bents, and we struggle with loving ourselves to some degree. Am I right? I don’t know. I only know this is my truth. 

I’ve spent my whole life feeling like a nobody. For starters, growing up a year behind a beautiful sister who was the flame of every fire, a star in everyone’s eyes, the smartest, most entertaining, outgoing, eloquent, and most loved, it was easy to fade into the shadows of self-worth. When you do something long enough, like they say about forming habits, if you do something for 21 days or longer, it becomes a habit, so how you live your life becomes a habit, good or bad. In time, you lose not only who you are but also your voice when you live in the shadows of someone else’s life instead of being your authentic self.

In all my growing-up years, I didn’t know any of this. All I knew was I wasn’t happy. I didn’t feel I belonged anywhere. Yet, these resounding questions echoed, “Why am I here?” “What’s the point in living?” “Will I ever measure up?” “Where is home? Being a nobody felt senseless, hopeless, and a waste of air. Yet, my curiosity kept me searching for answers.

Growing up and becoming a grownup failed to give me satisfying answers, as I relied on people as mentors, which we all need, but I’ve learned we need discernment on whom to depend. As part of the human race, we are human by default, which means we have beliefs, opinions, views, and bents that may mean well but may not be appropriate for us. Even parents may have favoritism, whether they are aware of it or not, which may scar their children for life. There is no blaming here. Everybody does the best that they possibly can with what they derive from; thus, we’re all the same.

Not until I became a child of God, and many years after, did I learn who I am and belong to, and my eyes opened. My heart filled with joy as God wrapped His loving arms around me and told me I am loved and His. Suddenly, I was home. No longer alone. I belonged to God, who created me in His image for a purpose. Yes, I am here for a reason. I am thrilled that my curiosity kept me searching for answers, and now I get to see how the story unfolds. 

Before I can love others, I need to know my self-worth through His everlasting love for creating us just as we are. We see ourselves imperfect and flawed, but He made no mistakes when He created us. We are His masterpieces! He loves us just as we are, so who are we to question that? Knowing our worth impacts everything we do and every being we touch. 

He created us for a purpose, which He reveals to us at the right time. We have a job to do, and that’s exuberant for someone who used to ask, “Why am I here?” “What’s the point in living?” “Will I ever measure up?” Everyone needs a purpose to make it through the day. I’m thankful that even though it took decades, I eventually discovered my purpose, and this chorus feels so spot on right now.

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives.

Why am I here? What’s the point? Whether I measure up or not no longer applies. God, as my heavenly Father, has me covered. Unlike human parents, He is unmovable. He will never forsake me and will be there for the good and bad times. He loves me unconditionally, and He does everything for my good. He only asks that I know who I belong to and choose Him first every day. I have all I need to love me because I am worthy, and I can love everybody else because now I know who I am.

Footnote: (Because He Lives – Song by Bill & Gloria Gaither)

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