Jeannie Yee Davis

A Moment in My Life – Monday, March 7, 2022

Jeannie Yee Davis

So, is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? I’m not constantly thinking about it, but this topic came up a few times in conversation last week, and that’s how I ended up thinking about it. The question is quite subjective. If you ask different people, you will get a different answer. That’s fine. Everybody is entitled to a view. After all, there is no right or wrong answer here. It all depends on what’s in your heart.

The conversation began with my friend, and I’ll call him Chad, stating that he’d rather be alone than invest time into new friendships. Although his reasons were valid, his comment stumped me. I can’t imagine life alone. I value my alone time, but I got to have my “people” time. He lost many close friends in recent years. I get it—so have I. We’re all getting older, and our circle of friends is thinning. That’s the sad part of life, but it is what it is.

 Being the fixer, I felt I needed to help him see the other side. Before you say anything, in hindsight, I know it wasn’t my place, but at the time of the conversation, I honestly felt I needed to help him see the positive side of having friends. Only because I care and don’t want him to regret his decision years down the line when it might be too late—this life is it, and it’s not a dress rehearsal. Our choices will have a significant impact on our future. 

It takes time to develop those deep and meaningful relationships that become friendships. That’s why I was so determined to have that long discussion with Chad. We went around and around, volleying our views back and forth when I realized there was no changing his mind, and I did my job. Yeah, if it’s all the same to you, having done my job was a more positive spin than to claim my defeat.

While that conversation was still raw in my mind, a BFF announced that she is looking to downsize and will be moving, possibly, away from the bay area this year. It all depends on where she’ll find her new home. I was so not prepared for this news. We’ve lived close to each other for most of our lives. We went to the same schools were at each other’s wedding. We doubled-dated. We hung out all the time. We watched each other’s houses while the other traveled. We were there for each other all of our adult lives. I can’t imagine her not being nearby. This news dampened my mood for days as I processed my looming loss. Maybe God intended the earlier conversation to help soften the blow of this one? I don’t know. It still sent me spiraling into the dark pit for a while.  

And that is how today’s column came to be. Like Chad, I’ve lost four people very close to me within three years. As devastating as those losses were, is it better not to make friends so as not to lose them? In light of my BFF’s relocation plans, Chad’s words replay in my head as I mourn the change that’s coming. No matter how I play his words over, I still can’t entirely agree with him. For me, I rather have what little time I get with people dear to me than never to have had them in my life. 

Each person brings value and unique experiences that brighten my world, making me a more affluent person closer to the woman God created me to be. Without these people, I wouldn’t have developed those parts they influenced. With these people, regardless of where they go, they leave their mark and memories for me to cherish forever. If we were lucky enough to have a photo taken together, I’d have that to hold dear, as well. Thanks to this self-pep talk that I needed so badly, I no longer feel sad that my BFF is moving away since we made so many beautiful memories together in the bay area. I rejoice with her for what she wants. It’s true. It won’t be as convenient to get together after she relocates, but we will continue to hang out every chance we get. If there is a will, there is a way, and we will make it work. Distance does not diminish friendship.

I firmly believe that you can never have too many friends. Sure, there are different kinds of friends, and not every friend will become a BFF, but each friend will add a flavor to the bouquet of my life. For that reason, I think ’tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

A Moment in My Life – Tuesday, March 1, 2022

Jeannie Yee Davis

Do you know that I don’t see or talk to people all day long? It’s not that I don’t want to, but everybody has a busy life trying their best to make it through the day. I have to admit, though, that keeping such a busy schedule and working secluded at home sometimes feels insanely lonely. That’s when it’s easy to forget about all the people in your life. Going by the old saying, “out of sight and out of mind.” However, if you have as many people in your life as I do, who wouldn’t let you forget how much they love and care about you, then it’s irrelevant your disposition.

Do you know when the truth comes out? It usually comes out on special days like our birthdays. Thanks to all the beautiful people God blessed me with, I don’t have to be alone those days. Why? Because so many of you flooded us with your love. Regardless of how busy you were or what you had on your schedule, you made time to send your love our way. This 2/26 was Mark’s fourth birthday since he relocated to heaven, yet so many of you continued to write Happy Birthday wishes on his FB wall and to tap and add your greetings on my posts. I received messages, phone calls, and even gifts, reminding me of the love so many of you have for us. 

Did you know that since Mark and I met, we have never spent a birthday, anniversary, or holiday apart from each other? I dreaded his birthday in 2019 because it was the first birthday we didn’t spend together. Once a couple and now a single, the playing field dramatically changes on special occasions. I felt the aloneness and sadness, but all of you came through for us in remembering him with me. I didn’t know it at the time, but when you overwhelmed me with your love, that was what I needed precisely to make it through that day. 

Do you know what makes you a blessing to me? Your loving hearts and your kindness. The definition of kindness is warm-hearted, considerate, humane, and sympathetic. And you are all these characteristics along with your loving hearts when you give of yourselves to think of me when I needed that little affection that I no longer have with Mark. Yet, I don’t want to let go. It’s not his fault that he can no longer celebrate his birthday with me, but I will continue to honor his memory on his birthday. Thus, it means the world to me that you continue to celebrate him with me. You probably don’t realize how much what you do means to us, and that’s why I am telling you now, thank you for your love and kindness. You may think your kindness was nothing but a little kindness goes a long way.   

A Moment in My Life – Friday, February 18, 2022

Jeannie Yee Davis

My friend Jimmy suggested I screen the classic of West Side Story before catching the remake playing in the theatres, and I am glad I did. I found the classic beautifully done with the scenes, the choreography, the soundtracks, the costumes, and the casting was superb. I told Jimmy the actors were like monkeys how naturally they scaled the fence scene. I watched in awe as I knew there was no way I could’ve followed in suit with those agile, long and lean dancers.

I swayed to the music—vicariously dancing along, casting a chuckle here and there at the funny scenes and smiling at the endearing moments, so quickly forgetting this story’s theme. And then it happened, the disparity of the rival gangs. You’d think people would’ve learned from the past that hate, anger, prejudice, and what have you get you nowhere but only make things worse. There are consequences to every action. It pains me to observe these scenes as my common sense screams the possible result from what the about-to-happen action will create. It’s true to life, though, that the outcome is how people would respond as nonsensical as it is—fully knowing that it would not end well.

It is also true to life that people in love will believe, as Maria did, that “Loving is enough.” However, realistically, as Tony recognized, “Not here. They won’t let us be.” The beauty of love is that love is blind, as the old saying goes, and you never know who you might fall in love with, when, or how. We are all made the same with a bit of uniqueness tossed in for good measure, but we all need air, food, sleep, water, have desires and wants, and we all bleed a shade of red. Falling in love is the most beautiful act of all, in my opinion. Not everybody is fortunate enough to find their one person, but I’d like to believe that there is a certain someone for each of us. With that said, we cannot control who that someone might be or what or where they originated. 

Family is everything, and that is a good thing, but sometimes, I think people get a little too wrapped up in that belief. Meaning they get so hung up in their family traditions and ways that there is no hope for outsiders. It’s the same with gangs, groups, and whatever. Nobody wants outsiders. I don’t get it, people. Everybody was a stranger at one time. How will we get past the stranger dilemma if we remain closed-minded? 

Then, the family traditions and beliefs carry down from generation to generation. Does anybody even remember why things are the way they are? Or, are we merely going through the motions because that’s what we always did? The family feud in “Romeo and Juliet” took death from each family before they made up. Did you happen to catch how their rivalry began? I know. I know. At the start of the movie, the rival family crashed the other’s party and so on, as was the mischievous pranking they always did, but my question was, how did the initial feud start? As far as I can tell, nobody knows. Yet, the families continued to rival each other until the infamous mournful ending.

Sometimes these movies strike too close to home for me, and feuds are very real. When my father passed, my family couldn’t obtain a plot at the cemetery of choice because of an old family feud that I didn’t know about until that fateful day. I still haven’t learned the origin of that feud, but Daddy was not allowed to rest in that cemetery. 

For as long as I can remember, I have always had a crush on a guy, like Tony, a little Italian boy with dark, wavy hair in elementary school. Or Long, a soft-spoken Chinese boy I met at the children’s ward when we were patients there. Or, the unobtainable celebrities like David Chiang and Donny Osmond, including my teen crush, Eddie Young, and in high school, there was Peter Bautista, a gorgeous Filipino guy. You get the idea. I liked guys for who they were without considering what they were or where their origin was.

My past did not equip me for my parents’ response to meeting my future husband. “Loving is enough” was my belief. However, the reality was, “Not here. They won’t let us be.” The initial meeting seemed like it went well with Mommy giving Mark the usual third degree, “Do you smoke, drink, gamble? What do you do for a living?” and so on. No big deal until I announced we were getting married. Wow! What an eye-opening experience that was! I did not see what was coming! I did not expect the pushback, and more so, I did not expect the kind of pushback. First off, they were not happy with Mark being half Caucasian and half Japanese. Followed by his lack of a well-established background. It was a big to-do to marry into a wealthy family in my culture and preserve our Chinese thoroughbred.

Now, had Mark been a doctor or lawyer or on some richie career path and been full Japanese, Mommy would’ve tolerated him because he looked Asian. However, Daddy would’ve accepted Mark had he been full Caucasian. Daddy shared his story with me about his war days for the first time, and I understood where he was coming from when Daddy pulled up his pant leg revealing scars galore. Daddy never spoke about his past, and here he was with a heated face telling me the gory details of what the Japanese soldiers did to him during that horrible time. I had never heard Daddy talk negatively about anybody until that moment. My heart cried, feeling his pain and all he went through, but my heart broke because we can’t blame all Japanese people for the horrendous sins of the past. 

Their lesson wasn’t solvable in my lifetime. There will always be hate, anger, prejudices, and anything else that divides people. Why? I will never understand. The thoughts and behaviors were too ingrained to expect my parents to change, but against all odds, Mark and I married without my family’s blessings. I lost my family for several years when I chose Mark over family, but I would’ve still done the same thing if I did it all again. Eventually, they came around and tolerated Mark when they realized they couldn’t get rid of him. 

It was a challenging road Mark and I took, but for us, we had a happy ending, and we proved that “loving is enough” even if “Not here. They won’t let us be.” We found a way to be together, and we had our happily ever after until death did us part, but, sadly, it started just like Romeo and Juliet.

A Moment in My Life – Friday, January 14, 2022

Jeannie Yee Davis

I’ve been dreading dealing with a possible oil leak problem. You could say I was procrastinating, but I called it monitoring the situation for a few days to confirm I had a problem. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it. I also hoped it might be a hiccup and miraculously stopped, then we could pretend it never happened. Who was I kidding? I wouldn’t be comfortable with not knowing the truth. The fact was that something was leaking at one point. I needed to get it checked for peace of mind. Using the finger test emphasized a mild scent of oil. Ugh. My car is too new to have an oil leak problem. 

Sometimes it’s good to procrastinate. Had I taken care of the problem yesterday, I would’ve gone back to Midas straightaway. However, yesterday, I wrote my column, pushing off my car problem a day. In the meantime, I got an epiphany to check with the Nissan service department first since they partnered with Hyundai before the pandemic. Finger crossed that perhaps they would service my Veloster anyway.

I was stunned to see workabees busy setting up the Infiniti shop where the Nissan/old Hyundai service department once was when I drove into their Colma parking lot. Once I hunted down the Nissan service department, I asked Jan, the first person I saw at the counter, who confirmed Infiniti is moving in. Jan also said Hyundai and Nissan were no longer partners. What! Wow! Dealerships are more delicate than relationships. I tell you. 

He asked me what the problem was. I told him I suspected an oil leak. He was curious what the signs were, and luckily I had photos to show him, which he confirmed was an oil leak. Not surprisingly, he directed me to a Hyundai Dealership because I might need parts. This detail was the part I dreaded—going the distance to a Hyundai Dealership when the closest one was in San Leandro or Santa Clara. If my car isn’t well, I don’t want to go the distance. Good thing I had a backup plan. Now, it looks like Midas, here I come. Jan did not like my backup plan at all. He suggested a reputable auto shop, if not a Hyundai Dealership. When I asked for a local auto shop recommendation, he took my number to send me a referral. 

As we said our goodbyes, Jan decided to check with his buddy in the service department to see if he would be willing to take a look at my car anyway. Jan made my day just by offering to check. That news was an answer to prayer. I wanted to get this problem resolved asap, if not today. At least, have a clue what the problem was right away. 

Five minutes after I left, Jan called with the good news that his buddy would help me out. I U-turned and skedaddled back. I couldn’t have asked for better service if I had an appointment. Once I arrived, they took my car in, and voila—there was no oil leak but rather a botched oil change job where they inserted the filter incorrectly. Jan said I just needed another oil change but didn’t suggest returning to Midas. Phew! I can handle that. What a relief! 

There has been a significant decline in products and services during the pandemic, blaming it on Covid, but today, Jan proved one size doesn’t fit all. He could’ve taken the easy road and not bothered with me and sent me on my not-so-merry way since they no longer have a partnership with Hyundai. Instead, Jan went over and above his job title to do an act of kindness, and in turn, did me a huge favor. He helped me cut to the chase and saved me from headaches and worries, not knowing what was wrong with my car. Jan gave me way better service than I had experienced in a very long time. I can’t be more grateful to him, which makes Jan my hero for the day.

A Moment in My Life – Thursday, January 13, 2022

Jeannie Yee Davis

If you told me you have never had a fantasy lover, I’d say you’re lying. Well, okay, maybe that is your truth. I don’t know. That’s fine. Everybody is entitled to their secrets. Who am I to judge? I figured if you show me yours, I’ll show you mine kind of thing. Ha-ha. I know what you are thinking, and you are right. Whether you tell me or not, I’m going to tell you my story anyhoo. Shall we get to it then?

An old song, “Magnet and Steel” by Walter Egan, grabbed hold of me, flooding my brain with all these thoughts with one thing leading to another, and conversations started flying in my head. You’d think this one prominent conversation sparked this song: “Magnet and Steel,” heavy stuff. Who doesn’t want a love story with magnet and steel in it? Magnet and steel sound inseparable—always and forever like true love, which is everybody’s dream. True. Not everybody cares for true love, but this is my story, and true love rules in my world, so please bear with me.

This new couple I know, I’ll call them Ricky and Lucy, have been seeing each other for a couple of months, but they are no strangers to each other. They have a history and dated in college, but it was short-lived. Fast forward two decades and fate bumped them together with him moving into her suburban neighborhood. What are the chances of that? It sounds like the beginnings of a Hallmark romance to me—especially learning that Ricky had a little crush on Lucy, and she had mutual feelings for him. Oooh, and the plot thickens with magnet and steel.

I know I better taper down my expectations, which is wise because expectations can challenge a relationship. Lucy had me falling for the guy when Ricky said all the right things at the right time to her, virtually swooning me off my feet. I won’t go into details to keep their romance theirs, but trust me, it was romantic. I was thrilled that she found her Mr. Right, and she got to live in a Hallmark romance. Little did I expect what came next.

Spending more quality time together meant seeing who you are when nobody is looking, which can be a good or bad thing. In this case, the first petty annoyance surfaced, leading to their first fight, which exploded, revealing a gazillion minor annoyances. One obvious issue: Ricky’s preconceived expectations of who Lucy is. Here’s my take. Since college, Ricky carried a torch for Lucy and created a lifetime fantasy world starring Ricky and Lucy. That sounds so utterly romantic except for the fact that Ricky is expecting the real-life Lucy to fit into his fantasy character, which is as different a person as the real-life Lucy.

I am no stranger to having a fantasy lover, as I had one throughout my teen years. Eddie Young, oh, how I adored him, my first major school crush. “And where he goes, I’ll follow! I’ll follow! I’ll follow! I will follow him. Follow him wherever he may go,” so the song goes, and I lived it, well, not really, but I would’ve if I could’ve. He was a senior, and I was a freshman at Marina Junior High. Two years kept us apart like Romeo and Juliet. It was a classic YA story with my eyes falling for Eddie on the first bus ride to junior high. We lived on the same block. He, up the West side, and I lived down the East. Day-after-day, I watched at my window for his coming and going hoping to see him again. We were both shy, meaning when I caught sight of him, I hid. A lot of good that does for meeting up, doesn’t it? And that’s when I moved us into my fantasy world, where, since I knew nothing about him, I created everything I thought Eddie would be. 

Eddie and I were at Marina for one year before he graduated and transitioned to Galileo High School. It felt like a lifetime before I would graduate and join him, but fate bused me to Mission High instead when it was my turn. I was madly in love with Eddie for five years despite the hopelessness of seeing him again. Then, one day after school on the N Judah streetcar, Eddie hopped on at Market and Van Ness. I gasped and stopped breathing when I saw that tall, gorgeous guy with thick wavy black hair from my dreams. I hadn’t seen him in two years, and I knew I had to summon the courage to approach him now or never. Since my girlfriends were riding with me, I asked Eddie to get off at the next stop, which he did, and we stood at the bus stop and talked.  

This moment was the first time I heard his voice and learned a bit about the real Eddie, and wow, what a flabbergasting experience. Except for his appearance, the Eddie standing before me was a total stranger who did not fit my make-believe Eddie, the one I worshiped for five years in my fantasy world. Five years of believing certain truths made it difficult to accept any other reality. Eddie was my metal in my fantasy world, and I was steel. It was a sure thing, but meeting the real him, my fantasy lover burst and faded into the fog that day.

And there you have it, my fantasy lover experience. I was young and naive with nothing to compare my truths with, but now in hindsight, I am older and wiser (all these clichés, but they are what they are), and if I had it all over to do, I wouldn’t have let my make-believe truths prevent me from getting to know the real-life Eddie. Who knows, I might have fallen in love with the real him, too, had I given him a chance. 

I can’t do anything about my past, but I can share my truths with others going through a similar experience. I see a lot of similarities in the Ricky and Lucy story, and it saddens me to think that Ricky might lose his dream love because he doesn’t realize that his expectations for Lucy to be the person he created are unrealistic. If my hypothesis is correct, I hope Ricky will recognize that he, like me, has a fantasy lover, who he has unfairly expected to fulfill the character he preconceived her to be. 

For Ricky and me and anybody else like us, we need to leave our make-believe worlds in the fantasy zone and allow all our relationships in real life to play out naturally without prejudiced expectations. Let each surprise us with their uniqueness, which we may or may not like, but they are who they are. The neat part is we can learn to compromise. Lucy said she felt like she couldn’t be herself around Ricky, which is a devastating realization. I’m a firm believer that we should be comfortable around our significant other, especially at home.

There is something quite endearing about loving someone so much that they’d create a make-believe world with them in it. It’s also sad because nothing is better than the real thing. Thus, it’s not every day someone gets an opportunity to live out their fantasy with their fantasy lover as Ricky does. For that reason, I sure hope he does it right and does not blow it. If he does, all he would ever have is Lucy as his fantasy lover.

A Moment in My Life – Friday, December 31, 2021

Jeannie Yee Davis

I’ve learned that I shouldn’t count on things remaining the same throughout the year. Regardless of how certain I was that nothing would change. I discovered this by writing a letter to myself at the beginning of the year. A segment on the Kelly Clarkson show inspired me to do this. A school teacher started this project by having his sixth-graders write a “Dear Future Me” letter with their goals and predictions that they would read on graduation day six years later. I found this idea fascinating. Forget the six-year wait. I was curious. What would my life look like at the end of one year? With that thought, I wrote my first “Dear Future Me” letter, and good thing I didn’t wait six years to reveal the surprising outcome.

I began this year very Country thanks to Laine Hardy, and as of today, it looks like I’m ending the year with Reggae. I’m not surprised. Thanks to Alan Walker, I began 2019 loving EDM (Electronic Dance Music) and adopted Country music by yearend. Throughout the year, I’ve been all over the music map, but the beginnings and ends are noteworthy, revealing how eclectic my music tastes are. My music appreciation is diverse, yet the extreme genre change is intriguing. Still, I am excited to discover new music styles. Since I see a pattern, I eagerly anticipate next year’s genre evolution. One constant revelation I checked off my list was that Country music remains high on my list of favorites.

Reading my letter reminded me that I’m still critically hard on myself, and I have proof. I listed a sizable checklist to complete this year. I met only three out of 18 goals, which is pathetic, people! Disturbing! Traumatizing! Disappointing! Shall I go on? You got the picture. 

In January, I was filled with high hopes and so gung-ho, as you could tell from my ambitious checklist. I was inspired, energized, and soaring to the stars in my mind. Everything I set out to do was achievable at that time. My BFF, Noreen, and I planned a celebration trip together in the Spring of 2022 after accomplishing our 2021 objectives. Sadly, I don’t see us celebrating any time soon.

What happened? Life did. As unbelievable as it was, it has been an unusual, crazy, active year, and, to think, we barely came out of Shelter-in-Place. It is hard to keep the pandemic in mind when I think back because so much happened in my life this year, especially with the ripples of lifted mandates that allowed us to socialize in person again. I didn’t feel safe initially, but as soon as I did, I dined with as many loved ones as possible. When in-person meetings weren’t feasible, most of us became acclimated to cyber-socializing, and I was no different. I thought I did the right thing by putting people first, and I had a blast doing so. I became more involved in the online groups I joined, where I met many lovely people, and some of us became friends. The year even included meeting someone special.

Getting more involved when meeting more people means getting more involved—an example, I got recruited as a moderator for a Laine Hardy fan group. After much nudging, I accepted. Now, those who know me know I give my all in my endeavors. This role was no different. I felt Laine’s career and mine mirror each other, and we were both going to soar this year. I wanted him to succeed, so I did everything possible to help get him there, which ended up a full-time job. He is soaring, and that makes me happy. I did my job well, but in hindsight, what about me? Who was helping me soar? By the time I realized this, most of the year had flown by without me. Too much time lapsed to catch up before yearend.

I had a blast with so many people this year. In many ways, I felt like I’d been on a long-term cruise. Shelter-in-Place reminds me of the days at sea onboard a cruise ship where we lived within the means of the ship, and it wasn’t half bad when everything you could imagine to live comfortably was at your fingertips. There was food, events, entertainment, people, music, songs, and dancing everywhere you went. Most of my year contained music, songs, and a new friend cyberly taught me dancing. As I said, I had a blast. Thoughtful friends occasionally dropped off food throughout the year, which feels like room service. When they lifted the mandates and quickly resumed them, it was like being at a port for a day, allowing us to venture out to town.

While cruising, the only way we conducted business in the real world and communicated with people back home was by the internet. Being Sheltered-in-Place was no different. We have been relying on cyberspace for business, shopping, education, workouts, entertainment, and of course, socializing in this pandemic. Thus, I’ve been cruising all year.

I was literally and metaphorically cruising all year. Every cruise for me meant gear in hand, i.e., laptop, planner, and writer’s journal, searching for a quiet open space to write in between events or before someone engaged me into something fun. Much the same way, this has been my story. Remember I said that I thought I did the right thing by putting people first? Well, I did by responding to everybody pronto and saying yes often. No, they didn’t twist my arm. I love being with people, so I cave easily. I started with a daily routine, but changing my plans was often necessary to meet others’ schedules. That was fine and dandy. I always had a good time, but it cost me my productivity.

Time keeps ticking away, but I feel like my life is going nowhere; likewise, a cruise ship keeps sailing, but it gets nowhere except back and forth from port-to-port. After every cruise, there is always much to catch up on, and that’s where I am now. With the year ending, I reflect on all the people I engaged with, the delicious meals we shared, the enlightening conversations I’ve had, and I know I was blessed. People are an essential ingredient to a happy life, but along with the great memories, there was grief, hurts, and disappointments. Being an overachiever, failing to accomplish goals is devastating. 

The good news, and there is some, is that I’ve learned a lot about myself this year, and yes, so I dropped the ball, but one person could do only so much. My new goal is to do a better job balancing everything in my life. One huge takeaway is that I need to lighten up and not be so hard on myself. Nobody is perfect. Striving for perfection, my vice, is setting myself up for failure. With that said, so I didn’t meet all my goals, but tomorrow is another day, a brand new year with 365 days to write my story, and I intend to write a great story that begins with “Once Upon a Cruise.”