Author: jdavis

A Moment in My Life – Tuesday, March 22, 2022

Jeannie Yee Davis

The other day, a funny thing made me realize I can’t assume everybody understands where I’m coming from. I don’t always get the joke or catch the punchline myself or even get what was said, but well, how do I know what you know until things play out?

That’s what happened to me the other day precisely. On FB, a new friend I’ll call George posted a photo of a scene from the old Chinese martial arts movie, “Five Shaolin Masters,” and that got my attention. I was a huge Chinese martial arts movie buff when I was a kid, and, of course, I saw this movie. One of the stars in it, David Chiang, was my first big celebrity crush. My radar zoomed-in any time there was a movie starring David or a magazine with his photo in it. I plastered my bedroom walls with his posters. I was obsessed with him. I dreamed of meeting him one day soon. When I grew up, I was going to marry him despite the fact he had some years on me. Yeah, I know, it was silly, but that’s what kids do. Alas, I never did meet him. Eventually, I grew up, got busied with life, and forgot him. Sorry, David!

It’s been decades since I heard or saw anything about David Chiang, so seeing the photo of him on George’s post lured me in. George posted a caption over the picture, “Our lunch bunch aka – Five Shaolin Masters.” Since George is a new friend, I don’t know anything about him yet. This caption mystified me, so I went with my preconceived notions: to play along for fun and nothing more. I commented on his post, “💜David Chiang💜 What time is lunch?” I assumed my comment was safe because David wouldn’t make an appearance.

I never expected George to reply with the time and place of their lunch date, and he invited me to join. Whoa! Totally new concept. My eyes opened, and I got it. George posted about his lunch bunch, nicknamed Five Shaolin Masters, and borrowed the photo from the movie fame. He posted about his gang going to lunch together, but he didn’t say so in as many words. He left a lot to our imaginations, and I’ve got a great imagination.   

Since I walked into this scene, I figured I’d keep playing along, so I replied, “Is David Chiang going to be there? I’ll come if he comes.” I giggled.

I did not expect George to reply, “Yes, he said he would drop by.” Whoa! 

I snickered, knowing that David wasn’t going to make an appearance, and I said, “You are hilarious! Nice try!”

George has a sense of humor. I’ll give him that. “You willing to take the chance and miss out?”

“True. Okay, call me when he arrives, k?” I laughed over here as I wrote that.

Did I say George has a sense of humor? He concluded this chat by sending a recent photo of David Chiang as his proof that David showed up. LOL. Touché.

I’ve always been very easygoing and joke around every chance I get. Why? Just to spread smiles and add some laughter to the scene, you know? Harmless stuff. Well, at least that was my preconceived notion. However, from this experience, I learned I need to exercise some caution before I joke with just anybody, especially if we haven’t built a rapport yet. Some of my new FB friends are very social and friendly people who are totally into meeting up and doing things together. That’s fine and dandy. There is a time and place for everything, which doesn’t mean this is the time or the place. I was joking around, not realizing our expectations didn’t align. Anyhoo, from this experience, I learned never to assume.

A Moment in My Life – Monday, March 21, 2022

Jeannie Yee Davis

One of Daddy’s reel-to-reel tapes captivated me when I was a little girl. It was the only recording he had with both Chinese language and English songs, primarily Chinese songs with a handful of English oldies but goodies that I love. I played that tape to death. There was no easy way to fast forward or rewind, but I repeated my favorite English songs and memorized all the words. They remain dear to me to this day. Each piece invokes memories, feelings, and emotions that transports me to that little girl sitting in front of the reel-to-reel tape deck with my fists resting under my chin, singing my heart out.

One song popped into my music queue today, and the feelings and emotions I felt as a kid were candescent as if brand new. The old events that triggered them dim from my mind. Yet, it’s funny I remember how I felt—how the song made me feel. 

As soon as the piano and drums introduce the ever-familiar intro, nostalgia overwhelmed me as Paul Anka belts out, “Put your head on my shoulder.” The little girl in me steps forward onto the dance floor, all grown up in her make-believe world, in a deep purple sweetheart swing vintage dress with black kitty heels on my feet. I place my hand into his. In his dashing tuxedo, my prince twirls me into his arms as I fall into step. A whiff of his aftershave lingers in motion, and I tingle in delight. He draws me close to his chest. I wrap my arms around his neck, and we sway to the music, gazing into each other’s eyes. The dim lights cast a romantic hue on the wooden dance floor.

He holds me in a tender embrace. My heart raced in response. I wrap my arms tighter around his neck to keep from crumbling to the floor. He plants a kiss on my forehead. I lean in and whisper into his ear words only he could hear. He smiles and gently leans my head on his shoulder where I transcend to a safe and secure place where the world disappears, and it was just him and me and our song. 

We danced, lost in the music. He twirls me around, and as he pulls me back in, he brushes his soft lips against my cheek. I giggle at the touch of his five o’clock shadow. The warmth of his minty breath turns my legs to jelly. If only this moment could last forever, but all good things must come to an end. With that, he ever-so-tenderly lifts my chin, and a shiver ripple through me when his lips touch mine as the song refrains, “Put your head on my shoulder.”

A Moment in My Life – Monday, March 7, 2022

Jeannie Yee Davis

So, is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? I’m not constantly thinking about it, but this topic came up a few times in conversation last week, and that’s how I ended up thinking about it. The question is quite subjective. If you ask different people, you will get a different answer. That’s fine. Everybody is entitled to a view. After all, there is no right or wrong answer here. It all depends on what’s in your heart.

The conversation began with my friend, and I’ll call him Chad, stating that he’d rather be alone than invest time into new friendships. Although his reasons were valid, his comment stumped me. I can’t imagine life alone. I value my alone time, but I got to have my “people” time. He lost many close friends in recent years. I get it—so have I. We’re all getting older, and our circle of friends is thinning. That’s the sad part of life, but it is what it is.

 Being the fixer, I felt I needed to help him see the other side. Before you say anything, in hindsight, I know it wasn’t my place, but at the time of the conversation, I honestly felt I needed to help him see the positive side of having friends. Only because I care and don’t want him to regret his decision years down the line when it might be too late—this life is it, and it’s not a dress rehearsal. Our choices will have a significant impact on our future. 

It takes time to develop those deep and meaningful relationships that become friendships. That’s why I was so determined to have that long discussion with Chad. We went around and around, volleying our views back and forth when I realized there was no changing his mind, and I did my job. Yeah, if it’s all the same to you, having done my job was a more positive spin than to claim my defeat.

While that conversation was still raw in my mind, a BFF announced that she is looking to downsize and will be moving, possibly, away from the bay area this year. It all depends on where she’ll find her new home. I was so not prepared for this news. We’ve lived close to each other for most of our lives. We went to the same schools were at each other’s wedding. We doubled-dated. We hung out all the time. We watched each other’s houses while the other traveled. We were there for each other all of our adult lives. I can’t imagine her not being nearby. This news dampened my mood for days as I processed my looming loss. Maybe God intended the earlier conversation to help soften the blow of this one? I don’t know. It still sent me spiraling into the dark pit for a while.  

And that is how today’s column came to be. Like Chad, I’ve lost four people very close to me within three years. As devastating as those losses were, is it better not to make friends so as not to lose them? In light of my BFF’s relocation plans, Chad’s words replay in my head as I mourn the change that’s coming. No matter how I play his words over, I still can’t entirely agree with him. For me, I rather have what little time I get with people dear to me than never to have had them in my life. 

Each person brings value and unique experiences that brighten my world, making me a more affluent person closer to the woman God created me to be. Without these people, I wouldn’t have developed those parts they influenced. With these people, regardless of where they go, they leave their mark and memories for me to cherish forever. If we were lucky enough to have a photo taken together, I’d have that to hold dear, as well. Thanks to this self-pep talk that I needed so badly, I no longer feel sad that my BFF is moving away since we made so many beautiful memories together in the bay area. I rejoice with her for what she wants. It’s true. It won’t be as convenient to get together after she relocates, but we will continue to hang out every chance we get. If there is a will, there is a way, and we will make it work. Distance does not diminish friendship.

I firmly believe that you can never have too many friends. Sure, there are different kinds of friends, and not every friend will become a BFF, but each friend will add a flavor to the bouquet of my life. For that reason, I think ’tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

A Moment in My Life – Tuesday, March 1, 2022

Jeannie Yee Davis

Do you know that I don’t see or talk to people all day long? It’s not that I don’t want to, but everybody has a busy life trying their best to make it through the day. I have to admit, though, that keeping such a busy schedule and working secluded at home sometimes feels insanely lonely. That’s when it’s easy to forget about all the people in your life. Going by the old saying, “out of sight and out of mind.” However, if you have as many people in your life as I do, who wouldn’t let you forget how much they love and care about you, then it’s irrelevant your disposition.

Do you know when the truth comes out? It usually comes out on special days like our birthdays. Thanks to all the beautiful people God blessed me with, I don’t have to be alone those days. Why? Because so many of you flooded us with your love. Regardless of how busy you were or what you had on your schedule, you made time to send your love our way. This 2/26 was Mark’s fourth birthday since he relocated to heaven, yet so many of you continued to write Happy Birthday wishes on his FB wall and to tap and add your greetings on my posts. I received messages, phone calls, and even gifts, reminding me of the love so many of you have for us. 

Did you know that since Mark and I met, we have never spent a birthday, anniversary, or holiday apart from each other? I dreaded his birthday in 2019 because it was the first birthday we didn’t spend together. Once a couple and now a single, the playing field dramatically changes on special occasions. I felt the aloneness and sadness, but all of you came through for us in remembering him with me. I didn’t know it at the time, but when you overwhelmed me with your love, that was what I needed precisely to make it through that day. 

Do you know what makes you a blessing to me? Your loving hearts and your kindness. The definition of kindness is warm-hearted, considerate, humane, and sympathetic. And you are all these characteristics along with your loving hearts when you give of yourselves to think of me when I needed that little affection that I no longer have with Mark. Yet, I don’t want to let go. It’s not his fault that he can no longer celebrate his birthday with me, but I will continue to honor his memory on his birthday. Thus, it means the world to me that you continue to celebrate him with me. You probably don’t realize how much what you do means to us, and that’s why I am telling you now, thank you for your love and kindness. You may think your kindness was nothing but a little kindness goes a long way.   

A Moment in My Life – Friday, February 18, 2022

Jeannie Yee Davis

My friend Jimmy suggested I screen the classic of West Side Story before catching the remake playing in the theatres, and I am glad I did. I found the classic beautifully done with the scenes, the choreography, the soundtracks, the costumes, and the casting was superb. I told Jimmy the actors were like monkeys how naturally they scaled the fence scene. I watched in awe as I knew there was no way I could’ve followed in suit with those agile, long and lean dancers.

I swayed to the music—vicariously dancing along, casting a chuckle here and there at the funny scenes and smiling at the endearing moments, so quickly forgetting this story’s theme. And then it happened, the disparity of the rival gangs. You’d think people would’ve learned from the past that hate, anger, prejudice, and what have you get you nowhere but only make things worse. There are consequences to every action. It pains me to observe these scenes as my common sense screams the possible result from what the about-to-happen action will create. It’s true to life, though, that the outcome is how people would respond as nonsensical as it is—fully knowing that it would not end well.

It is also true to life that people in love will believe, as Maria did, that “Loving is enough.” However, realistically, as Tony recognized, “Not here. They won’t let us be.” The beauty of love is that love is blind, as the old saying goes, and you never know who you might fall in love with, when, or how. We are all made the same with a bit of uniqueness tossed in for good measure, but we all need air, food, sleep, water, have desires and wants, and we all bleed a shade of red. Falling in love is the most beautiful act of all, in my opinion. Not everybody is fortunate enough to find their one person, but I’d like to believe that there is a certain someone for each of us. With that said, we cannot control who that someone might be or what or where they originated. 

Family is everything, and that is a good thing, but sometimes, I think people get a little too wrapped up in that belief. Meaning they get so hung up in their family traditions and ways that there is no hope for outsiders. It’s the same with gangs, groups, and whatever. Nobody wants outsiders. I don’t get it, people. Everybody was a stranger at one time. How will we get past the stranger dilemma if we remain closed-minded? 

Then, the family traditions and beliefs carry down from generation to generation. Does anybody even remember why things are the way they are? Or, are we merely going through the motions because that’s what we always did? The family feud in “Romeo and Juliet” took death from each family before they made up. Did you happen to catch how their rivalry began? I know. I know. At the start of the movie, the rival family crashed the other’s party and so on, as was the mischievous pranking they always did, but my question was, how did the initial feud start? As far as I can tell, nobody knows. Yet, the families continued to rival each other until the infamous mournful ending.

Sometimes these movies strike too close to home for me, and feuds are very real. When my father passed, my family couldn’t obtain a plot at the cemetery of choice because of an old family feud that I didn’t know about until that fateful day. I still haven’t learned the origin of that feud, but Daddy was not allowed to rest in that cemetery. 

For as long as I can remember, I have always had a crush on a guy, like Tony, a little Italian boy with dark, wavy hair in elementary school. Or Long, a soft-spoken Chinese boy I met at the children’s ward when we were patients there. Or, the unobtainable celebrities like David Chiang and Donny Osmond, including my teen crush, Eddie Young, and in high school, there was Peter Bautista, a gorgeous Filipino guy. You get the idea. I liked guys for who they were without considering what they were or where their origin was.

My past did not equip me for my parents’ response to meeting my future husband. “Loving is enough” was my belief. However, the reality was, “Not here. They won’t let us be.” The initial meeting seemed like it went well with Mommy giving Mark the usual third degree, “Do you smoke, drink, gamble? What do you do for a living?” and so on. No big deal until I announced we were getting married. Wow! What an eye-opening experience that was! I did not see what was coming! I did not expect the pushback, and more so, I did not expect the kind of pushback. First off, they were not happy with Mark being half Caucasian and half Japanese. Followed by his lack of a well-established background. It was a big to-do to marry into a wealthy family in my culture and preserve our Chinese thoroughbred.

Now, had Mark been a doctor or lawyer or on some richie career path and been full Japanese, Mommy would’ve tolerated him because he looked Asian. However, Daddy would’ve accepted Mark had he been full Caucasian. Daddy shared his story with me about his war days for the first time, and I understood where he was coming from when Daddy pulled up his pant leg revealing scars galore. Daddy never spoke about his past, and here he was with a heated face telling me the gory details of what the Japanese soldiers did to him during that horrible time. I had never heard Daddy talk negatively about anybody until that moment. My heart cried, feeling his pain and all he went through, but my heart broke because we can’t blame all Japanese people for the horrendous sins of the past. 

Their lesson wasn’t solvable in my lifetime. There will always be hate, anger, prejudices, and anything else that divides people. Why? I will never understand. The thoughts and behaviors were too ingrained to expect my parents to change, but against all odds, Mark and I married without my family’s blessings. I lost my family for several years when I chose Mark over family, but I would’ve still done the same thing if I did it all again. Eventually, they came around and tolerated Mark when they realized they couldn’t get rid of him. 

It was a challenging road Mark and I took, but for us, we had a happy ending, and we proved that “loving is enough” even if “Not here. They won’t let us be.” We found a way to be together, and we had our happily ever after until death did us part, but, sadly, it started just like Romeo and Juliet.