Author: jdavis

A Moment in My Life – Wednesday, August 26, 2020

“Hi, my name is Jeannie, and I’m a creature of habit.” Are there others of you out there? Come on over. Don’t be shy. The party is about to begin.

I’ve had people laugh at me when they learned that I parked in the same area and even took the same parking space at Bart every day if that was possible. I got on the same Bart car, and I sat in the same seat. I’d imagine shooting darts at the person who might have taken my seat. Don’t worry. I’m not Adrian Monk. I prefer the same spots, but I won’t shoot real darts or force the person out of my space if I didn’t get my way. 

Looking back to my corporate days, I can laugh now, but I tell you that it was nerve-racking back then. Almost every day, I forced myself out of my comfort zone to fit into the company to keep my job. Don’t get me wrong. I loved the company, and I loved what I did, and they loved me. They didn’t know that I was a double agent, though. I was an ideal employee (in my humble opinion) who adapted well to change on the surface. Yet, beneath the surface, I was a heart attack waiting to happen, fretting over the potential change that they might announce that day. It was tough for someone who didn’t like change while working in a company whose motto thrived on change and diversity. It seemed like as soon as I began getting used to something, they changed it. Although I resisted change, however, on the flip side of the coin, I learned many new things that I wouldn’t have known had I not been forced down that path. Skillsets and applications that carry into my personal life that branches out to other areas like church and social events. Did that make adapting to change any easier? No, I don’t think so. Do I appreciate it? Most definitely.

It’s like parents forcing their kids to eat vegetables. Regardless of how appealing mom makes them look, it doesn’t make it easier for the kid to eat it. Do they appreciate it? Maybe not at the moment, but in the long run, I’m sure they did. That’s me, in this scenario.

I remember when one of my bosses kept encouraging me to use OneNote. I resisted forever, but once I began using it, it became my best friend for life. I rely heavily on it every day. Last year, one of my favorite authors, Jessica Brody, introduced me to the OneNote competitor, Evernote, as an excellent application for our writing life. At first, I was determined not to add another app to my collection. I was satisfied with OneNote, and to prove it, my OneNote contains an overwhelming amount of data. When I launched my writing career, I took Jessica up on her suggestion and incorporated Evernote for my business application. It has worked out beautifully for me, and it has already gotten an overwhelming amount of data. I think I might be a data hoard. Let’s keep that our secret, okay?

When Shelter in Place began, I resisted joining Zoom calls, but ultimately gave in to it when everybody was using it. Now, I love meetings via Zoom. What a great way to connect without the hassle of the commute, traffic, parking, or weather constraints! I love it. I almost dread returning to live meetings.

The other night, my friend Carol and I talked about a project where we would share a spreadsheet. My inclination was Excel, but she suggested using Sheets, which simplifies the sharing process. Granted, I have a Gmail account; however, I reply on my Mac Outlook and never open Gmail. I had no clue about the cool apps that come with my account. One day, my friend, Lily, suggested using Hangouts for our chat, but she accommodated me by using Facetime, which I was more familiar with. Now that Carol broadened my horizons, I’ll be venturing around in Google if you’re looking for me.

I don’t need to buy the newest or latest toys. I’m not particularly eager to change things unless they quit working for me, and it forces me to make the change. The good news is that I do like learning new things that can improve my life. When I find something that works, I am good. I am grateful that I live in the here and now when we have an abundance of choices that enrich our lives. There are ample opportunities to learn new things, and as I learn more, I think it is easier to adapt, but that’s not the same as change. That’s what it is—the reason I enjoy learning new things is that it’s not change, per se. Okay, phew, had me second-guessing myself for the moment. No worries. I’m still a creature of habit.

After having experienced many incidents where I resisted but ended up rewarded for having given in to change, you’d think that I would welcome it now. I can honestly tell you; no. A creature of habit will always be a creature of habit. Still, I’m not too fond of change, but I adapt and probably end up loving it. I can guarantee that I will always be that creature of habit. Anybody else the same way?

A Moment in My Life – Tuesday, August 25, 2020

“You’ll need to cut them in half and bundle them, or we can’t take them,” the Scavenger rep said.

The nanites like ants gone crazy surged through every nook and cranny of my mind in panic. “I don’t think I can do that!” My eyes darted from the pile of tree stakes on my garage floor to the tools lining my garage wall, hoping a bright idea would jump out.

“We can’t take them if we can’t carry them. Why don’t you call us back when you can get them cut?”

My blood pressure skyrocketed at the prospect of having to wait another week to offload the gate and these stakes. “Can you please give me an appointment? I’ll see what I can do. I will get them together in time for pick up.” As she checked her calendar, my eyes continued to survey my options. There was the hedge trimmer hanging on my wall, which gave me an idea. I couldn’t see myself cutting ten 2 inches in diameter wooden poles, let alone one of them with a manual saw. My arms were still shaking after I sawed five of the half-inch rubber bands to release the stakes. Luckily, the other five stakes were cut years ago and lying by the side of the house. Suddenly, lightbulb! “I can get an electric saw and try cutting them myself.” 

Now, to get that electric saw. Do I really want to buy an electric saw for one use? No, not really. I decided to ask my friend, Gil, the gadgets guy, to borrow his if he had one. Surprisingly, he did not. Instead of lending me a saw, he loan me his fears. “Why do you want an electric saw?”

“Because I don’t have the strength to use a manual saw,” I said. “An electric saw should be easier for me to use.”

“And easier to cut yourself, too,” Gil said.

Ugh. Why would he have to be a negative Nellie? I know he’s concerned for my well-being, but at that moment, I needed courage and an electric saw.

He was successful in instilling fear and doubt in me. I no longer thought doing it myself was the best option. That’s when I remembered God’s teachings that we are to serve by lending a helping hand to those in need and being receptive to asking and receiving help when we need it. 

Begrudgingly, I knew that now was when I needed to exercise asking for help. After all, many people said to me after Mark’s demise, “If you need anything at all, just ask.” I haven’t used any of those offers yet. I was hoping I wouldn’t need to call in a favor.

It turned out that with Shelter in Place, calling in a favor wasn’t that easy. Luckily, my new gardener, Mike, saved the day. He not only helped me manually cut these stakes in half, but he offered to cut them into pieces that would fit in my green bin, saving me the hassle of bundling and lugging the heavy bundles out to the curb for pick up. He did an excellent job and impressed me with how neatly he stood them up in my bin. I expect him to charge me for that service, but at the same time, I am thoroughly grateful that he took that load off my shoulders.

It was a great idea to ask for help with those stakes because I am still recuperating from hauling the wooden gate from my garage to the curbside. What was that gate made of? Good golly, it was heavy! I’m glad I moved it from the side of the house to the garage last week. I had a week to rest before hauling it the rest of the way to the curb. Even though it was a fast and short-haul, I was sweating, huffing and puffing for air, and my body was like jelly afterward. I feel like I went through an hour-long boot camp.

My girlfriend told me that I should’ve asked some guy to haul the gate out for me, and if not for Shelter in Place, I would’ve done just that. I would’ve asked someone and then treat him to a meal as a token of my appreciation. With Shelter in Place, however, I didn’t want to bother anybody, and it was something that I could do myself as hard as it was. I am grateful for the help that I did get, and Mike Valle is my hero!

Friends, if you are looking for a gardener, call Mike and tell him I sent you. He doesn’t know I’m giving him a plug here.

http://www.kickyergrass.com/

www.facebook.com/kickyergrass

A Moment in My Life – Friday, August 21, 2020

Yesterday, I received an unexpected Facebook friend request from a guy I casually know from one of my walks of life whom I would never in a gazillion years expect anything. Although a month or so after Mark’s demise, he invited me to lunch, as did many of my friends. I assumed, his invitation was out of compassion and kindness like everybody else. I gently declined the invitation as it didn’t feel right to me at that time. I ran into him a few times during the year, and as soon as he brought up our lunch date again, I quickly shut it down. With SiP, I hoped that we would move on and conveniently forget about it. I did until the Facebook friend request showed up.

It’s interesting how relationships happen. Some click right away. Some take their time. Some take a lot of work. Some bring out the worst in you while others bring out the best. Some, you end up not able to live without them. Others, you wish you never met. The bottom line, all relationships are unique. Most happen unexpectedly. The beauty of it is the journey that enriches your life for the better or the worst.

Some people come into your life to broaden your horizon—to provide a new experience that adds a touch of street smart to your portfolio. Some things you can’t learn from books. 

I had this buddy in high school who shared many of my interests, and we clicked immediately. I introduced him to my girlfriends, and he quickly became part of the gang as an honorary girlfriend. One day, my girlfriends took me aside and alerted me that my buddy told everybody that I was his girlfriend. I didn’t believe what they said. Why would he do that? We were buddies! They didn’t believe the rumors either, at first. Until they noticed how he was around me and that it was apparent, I was more than a friend. I so did not see the obvious.

I was devastated when I confronted him, and he confirmed the rumors. Why did that have to happen? We had a good friendship going. Knowing the truth made being around him awkward. This relationship that once was a fun one became a labor-intensive one where I had to tread lightly and not further mislead him. Now that my horizon has broadened, I realized that sometimes you couldn’t change the facts. People are the way that they are. We have to accept them or let them go instead of trying to change them or ourselves to make it work. Usually, people revert to their true selves regardless of how hard they try to please. 

My buddy agreed that we would be “just friends.” He cared enough for me to do that. I was okay with the setup if we could pull it off. As a show of good faith, he introduced me to a friend of his. We hit off well and began dating. 

I thought being “just friends” might work when, out of nowhere, he said, “If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were.” Interesting that he would quote that, but I chalked it off to him being a dreamer, and I let it slide. 

Something in my gut said, “Caution!” I tried to dismiss the red flag. Your gut feelings don’t lie. You might need a bit more to understand what it’s telling you. In this case, my gut was right. It turned out; my buddy was playing a game with his friend and me. Only he knew the rules. I guess he didn’t expect my boyfriend and me to talk. Once we did, we figured out the game he was playing. The giveaway—when he told my boyfriend, “May the best man win!” Then, my eyes opened, and I understood what my gut was telling me about his quote.

Sadly, that friendship was not salvageable because of my buddy’s agenda. I learned that regardless of how far we’ve come, we still need to be careful in friendships with the opposite sex. You never know when our emotions might betray us and jeopardize a good friendship.

My buddy made me a bit more street smart that day. Since then, I trust my gut feelings more, and when it doesn’t like something, I’ve learned to steer clear of it. In the case of my Facebook friend request, it might be wise if I do not accept it.

____ 

Footnote: 

If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were. — Richard Bach

A Moment in My Life – Thursday, August 20, 2020

Today is day 20 of the year 2020, which reminded me of 8/8 at 8:00. What about that? I’m glad you asked. I attempted to launch my writing career on August 1, 2019, but a friend suggested that if I began any business on 8/8 at 8:00, my business would be a success. Cool! I want my business to be a success! Okay, then, I shall wait until 8/8 at 8:00 to begin my first fulltime writing day. I was suspicious that that would work, but I had writer’s block for more years than I care to count that I was willing to try anything.  

You can imagine my excitement on 8/8 at 8:00 when I sat down in front of my MacBook and began my fulltime writer’s life. I started my day with a writer’s prompt to get me writing, which it did. It felt good to write again. I had little structure and not much of a plan except to write. A few hours later, I realized that I should set up some business objectives, and I did. I busied myself with whatever I could think of to work on that would advance my business. By the end of my workday, I felt happy that I completed day one. Well, I applied chair glue and worked at my writing life. Doesn’t that count? I know what you’re thinking. My first day doesn’t sound like much happened, and you’re right—but there is always tomorrow! After all, I didn’t have to worry since I started my business on 8/8 at 8:00, and it will succeed!

The next day, I couldn’t get my act together to begin working. I convinced myself to start at 11:00 and write for one hour before my lunch date at noon, and that would be better than nothing. I managed to apply chair glue long enough to do the day’s writing prompt. That was all that I mustered for day two. My lunch date took three hours. I enjoyed it as you could imagine but that killed productivity big time.

I will cut to the chase and not bore you with all the mundane details. The following week my workdays looked a lot like day two. By midweek, I decided to deep clean my house in preparation for my family’s visit in the last week of the month. I told myself I’d resume my writing life after my family’s visit, which never materialized. I lost the momentum that I didn’t have. My life got busier and busier, and that was it. When you are flying solo, you learn how much you have to do. I live my life dealing with tasks by priority, and there are always things waiting for me to do.

 I spent the last year recovering from my status change and recovering from my second heart attack, which caused me to rewrite my life as a whole. I was getting things in order, healing and improving my home, everything, including my wellness. There was one area remaining that I needed to address—my writer’s life. One of the last things Mark said to me was, “If you are going to write, now is the time. Just do it!” 

Fast forward to spring 2020. I was ready and determined to attempt relaunching my writing career. I planned to cancel everything off my calendar and become a hermit to ensure that I did it. Coincidentally, Covid-19 happened, forcing us into Shelter in Place (SiP). I took advantage of this opportunity to work on my productivity. I was a wimp at saying no to social invitations. Thanks to SiP, I didn’t have to say no after all.

On Monday, May 11, 2020, I relaunched my writer’s life. This time, I approached it, not counting on luck, but instead, on a thorough game plan, self-discipline, and hard work. I prepared myself by rising at 6:00 every day to get myself ready like I was going to a real job and do my daily writing before I checked into work at 8:00. I decided I didn’t want to be a writer who wrote 24/7 because I have other things to do, and I love socializing with friends so that I would work 4 hours a day on weekdays. If I get into my writer’s zone, I will write longer, but I will live my life. I treated my work like a job starting with orientation, setting up business spreadsheets, and apps that I would use for work only. I perused my writer’s journal and created storyboards for my story ideas. Then, I was ready to begin writing. All of this prep work during the first two weeks were necessary and wonderful, but until week three, when I started writing, I was sitting on pins and needles worrying. What if I can’t write anymore? What if I’m fooling myself? The only way to find out was to write. I was elated when I completed my first essay that day. 

That wasn’t good enough for me, though, but it was a start. It was a long road back to writing for me. Like an alcoholic, I take it one day at a time. Every day I produce a finished piece, I count my blessings, not luck. Since then, God has blessed me with many written essays that I don’t take for granted. 

Like an alcoholic, I count the days of my success. Today marks week 15, day 4 of living my writer’s dream, and I am forever grateful. I rely on discipline, a solid game plan, hard work, and His blessings. For some people, numerology may be the thing for them, but it isn’t worth worms to me.

A Moment in My Life – Wednesday, August 19, 2020

The other day, a surprise came in the mail—a Bird of Paradise mask from my dear friends, Carol and Kyle. I had forgotten that in a conversation I mentioned to them I love Bird of Paradise, but they didn’t forget. They saw this mask and thought of me. I’ve been blessed with people thinking of me with the perfect masks. A couple of months back, I received my first surprise mask gift. My older sister began making masks and sent me an assortment of purple ones.

I used to think it was weird seeing perfectly healthy-looking young people wearing medical masks in their everyday routines. I would never have suspected that mask-wearing would become our way of life. At the beginning of SiP, masks, in general, were hard to come by, let alone fancy, statement-making personalize ones. When it was determined necessary to wear a mask, I obliged. I disliked it. It was cumbersome. It distorted my movement and my view, but if it keeps us safe, then let me have it. It’s weird how a little thing like a mask on your face could change your outlook tremendously.

On that note, I remember going to Safeway in Millbrae one afternoon when social distancing began. It was during the early stages of learning more about Covid-19. Every day we were adding more rules to the social distancing protocols. I was still dancing around people treating everyone like they were a weapon to my destruction. I wouldn’t be out of my house if I could’ve avoided it. You can imagine how nervous I was when this stranger approached me in the store and struck up a conversation. The day before, I had just learned that being near someone for longer than 15 minutes was risky. As he talked on and on, I moved my body farther away from him, keeping the length of my shopping cart between us. He was totally amicable and chatty. I was totally freaking out. We both wore masks. I was also wearing gloves, but I wasn’t feeling brave. God gave me a second chance to live last year, and I wasn’t going to squander it. Without being rude, I excused myself with, “Well, nice chatting with you. I’ll let you get your shopping done. Have a nice day!” and I left.

A little while later, the same man pulled up next to me at the back of the store and continued yakking away as if we were old friends. Again, I positioned my cart between us. He didn’t seem to get the 6 feet apart rule. Granted, it was new, and we were beginning to acclimate to it, but I was uncomfortable with him standing so close to me. 

Had it been another time before Covid-19, I probably would’ve welcomed his friendliness and enjoyed getting to know him. Wait. Come to think of it, before Covid-19, nobody did that—strike up a long conversation with me in a supermarket! It was almost as if the mask gave him confidence. I don’t know. I make up what I don’t know. 

This incident made me think of all those drivers who would cut you off with their cars because they were inside their vehicles, but they wouldn’t think to cut you off in line without their mask, i.e., their vehicle. The same thing with this stranger, I guess. We couldn’t see each other’s faces, and that provided some sort of security? I could be all wrong. He might have just been a super-duper friendly man. Maybe, more likely, he was starved for social interaction? I don’t know. I wasn’t rude or nasty to him. I engaged in chatting with him as best as possible while keeping socially distanced from him, but he had the gift to gab. First chance I got; I said my goodbyes, again. I felt terrible, but that day was just not the right time or place for socializing. I had already stood in line outside to get in, and there was a line to check out. I honestly wanted to grab what I came for and get out of Dodge without catching any germs.

I’ve always been friendly to people I see along the way but in a subtle way. I make eye contact and smile, but I generally don’t engage in conversation or anything extroverted. One of the drawbacks of wearing a mask is that people can’t see me smile at them. I complained to a friend about that, and she, being the extreme extrovert, said, “Just say HI!” in her jolly loud genuineness. That wasn’t going to work for me, but you know, the mask does give you confidence. I found myself waving at people as my greeting of choice now. You know what? They wave back!

Wearing a mask, especially a pretty Bird of Paradise one or a beautiful purple one, isn’t so bad. If it serves the purpose, then let’s Mask Up! 💜

A Moment in My Life – Tuesday, August 18, 2020

Have you ever noticed people’s true colors come out when the elephant is in the room? Nobody ever wants to say anything. They’re way too polite. Nobody wants to be the bearer of bad news, even if it’s just a single misplaced article. People are funny in that way. They avoid confrontation with a ten-foot pole. Hey, that’s perfect for social distancing! True. Not for all things, though.

I must admit that I, too, avoid the elephant in the room. Not intentionally. I swear! At last, I do. I do it like the best of them. In fact, over the years, I’ve gotten quite good at it. I laugh when someone apologizes because spell check replaced their word with some far-fetched one. Only then, when they brought it to my attention, did I see the typo. Old habits of avoiding the elephant, I naturally filled in the intended word, and I got the gist of their message. That’s ideal for social media chats. Saves a lot of time, usually, not always. I know that sometimes it might create misunderstandings or other problems, but basically, it’s okay, and there is no need to make a thing out of it.

The other day, I typed “Aiya” in a text. Spell check decided it should be “Aiyanas,” which my sister googled and provided us with a fun fact for the day, ‘Aiyanas is a Native American name meaning blossoming or eternal flame.’ In this case, the elephant taught us a new word, a beautiful word that I look forward to using one day.

When it comes to the written word on a page, that’s the elephant that I refer to that brings out people’s true colors. I reread my work over and over and edit it until the walls scream “ENOUGH already!” Even then, when I proofread and become satisfied that I caught every little typo from removing or adding a comma to adding a missing word, correcting a wrong word or a misspelled word that sounds the same, or replacing with a better word—somehow, after I’ve posted my work, there it was—the typo gremlin baring its teeth laughing at me. By then, who knows how many people read my work with the imperfection on it? Usually, for whatever reason, nobody points it out. They probably do the same thing I do and mentally make the corrections as they read. I’m grateful for that, but sometimes, it might be helpful if someone alerted me so I could make the corrections. 

I remember the publisher of my first novel pointed out that I used ear bugs instead of earbuds throughout my book, and that was a good catch and a welcomed one. I laughed when I read that correction because I didn’t see it. My first readers didn’t see it either. For something important, people should point out errors without concern for fear of hurting their feelings.

Although, here’s where I have to say, “Be careful what you wish for” because after Mark’s Celebration of Life, I had printed out personalized thank you cards with a typo on it. I sent out over fifty cards, and people politely accepted them and mentally filled in the correction as they read, or they were too polite to say anything. The last person I sent the card to was the one who avoided the elephant and emailed me. She said, “I may be mistaken, but last time I checked, the word prosper is written p-r-o-s-p-e-r and not proper.” That was one time where I would have preferred, not knowing. I felt awful, but what could I do? Not a darn thing! Except now, I was aware all those cards went out with a typo. 

Bottom line, we have to pick our battles and exercise wisdom on knowing when to address the elephant in the room, and when not to.

_____

Note to my readers: I want to thank the first five guests who read one of my columns by giving them a gift. If you are one of the early five readers, please leave me a comment below, so I will know who you are. We’ll private message and get your gift to you. Thanks for your support! 💜