Author: jdavis

A Moment in My Life – Monday, June 14, 2021

Jeannie Yee Davis

All too often, we hear someone say these words, “we’re family,” I do it myself. These words carry with them a different meaning for different people. The bottom line—belonging. It doesn’t matter if you’re outgoing or a loner. Even for a loner, at some point, they, too, need to belong somewhere whether they admit to it or not. 

“We’re family” are magical words that don’t require blood or even a DNA test. I know some who are big on “family,” and for them, family means someone who shares the same blood as them—no exceptions. That’s their prerogative. Growing up, I leaned towards that perspective based upon my naivety until I grew up and met an array of people from different walks of my life. Each person was a stranger to me at some point, and because of them, I learned that it’s not blood that makes people family. Instead, it’s the person themselves and whatever common bond they each bring to the scene that creates family over time.

These relationships happen in the least expected places. You probably never thought about this before, but have you noticed how much more you know about your coworkers than your extended family? You see your coworkers at least five days a week. You make conversations with each other throughout the day. You may have lunch together. And for some, do extracurricular activities, such as bowling or baseball games, outside of work together. And, when was the last time you even spoke to your relatives?

There are people you love in a work environment, and there are people you loathe, just like in any family. With that said, I noticed that if I were in an unfamiliar group, and the only face I recognized was a coworker I am not too fond of, I might seek that person out rather than be with a stranger—just like with family. You tend to draw to your family in unfamiliar surroundings. Some go as far as become good friends who move in together and essentially become each other’s family.

I have been blessed with many adoptive families brought together by a common thread like my work family. Then, my church family derived my small group family, my family of Christian sisters, etc. Aside from that, I’ve got my book club family and lunch bunch family, and now my Facebook, which in itself has many sub-groups that I call family. Why so many families? Because they consist of people I like and who came into my world and added value. Thus, they became an essential fixture in my life which defines family for me. 

There is another family that is close to my heart. The one that I got when I married Mark, the love of my life. I didn’t gain just a husband, but also a set of parents, two sisters, and a baby brother who grew up and added their spouses and kids to the mixture. Of all my tribes, this one is dear to my heart because that’s what remains of Mark. It also stood the test of time, which I can’t say I’m surprised, but truth be told, only time could tell how things would play out. As it turned out, I didn’t have to worry, unlike my aunt, who was widowed with two toddlers and an infant and disowned by her in-laws in her late twenties. This incident happened to my aunt when I was a kid. It left a poignant impact on me. After Mark passed, this memory surfaced, and during a vulnerable moment, I feared that I might have seen the last of his family.

Time proved that this fear was delusive. Instead of falling away from each other, my extended family has become closer than ever. We’ve spoken more often and spent more quality time together in the past two and a half years since Mark’s passing than we did when he was alive. He would’ve loved spending so much time with his siblings. I believe that he is with me always, and his spirit has brought us together, for which I’m grateful.

We may not have blood bonding us, but I love my adoptive families just as much as my birthed family because we’re all people related or not. More so, we’re all a part of God’s family. If we love and care for each other and foster some good within our relationship, that’s good enough for me. We’re family.

A Moment in My Life – Fun Friday, June 11, 2021

Jeannie Yee Davis

For today’s ‘Fun Friday,’ I planned to hang out with my friend, Elaine, for most of the afternoon—starting with a leisure brunch at Bay Watch in Burlingame, which both of us craved something from there. She missed their breakfasts. I craved their French fries. They make the best fries, and that’s coming from someone who doesn’t care for French fries. After our leisurely lunch, we planned to take a long walk through the aisles of the nearby shops. Some call that window-shopping, but we’re not shopping; we’re walking, taking the scenic route through the stores. Someone has to take inventory of how they’ve changed during this past year, so we volunteered.  

A lot has changed in how businesses do things these days. For example, at Bay Watch, they now hand you a menu, and after you’ve studied it and decided what you wanted, then you return to the counter and place your order. Then, after paying, they seat you. From this point, it’s business as usual. The waiter brings you your beverages and food, checking in on you throughout your meal just like old times whereas they used to seat you first, then they came and took your order at the table.

It was nice that Bay Watch took advantage of the no-indoor-dining months and made improvements to their restaurant. Up until this point, I hadn’t felt comfortable dining indoors. However, this place lured me inside with the rustic ambiance and fresh scent wafting through the spacious dining room, putting me at ease. 

They have a new menu, too, and if I remember correctly, they did away with a portion of their menu. However, a substantial menu remains, and if you didn’t know better, you wouldn’t miss anything. Although we missed the specials listed on their blackboard on the wall, that will return in time, I’m sure. Our selections were just as delicious as before. I ordered a vegetarian omelet filled with broccoli, spinach, mushrooms, tomato, and cheese. I substituted the hash browns for French fries and opted for whole wheat toast. Elaine enjoyed her scramble with avocado and tomatoes. It was a satisfying meal for us both.

Elaine and I yakked for a few hours, and we were the last patrons to vacate the premises, just like old times. 

I was disappointed that we had to change our plans foiling the second part of our date. My bad, I wasn’t thinking. I bought Elaine a bouquet since she needed a little pampering, but my timing was off. It was too warm to leave the flowers in the car while we trekked through the shops. Instead, she wanted to take the flowers home and put them in water. I’m glad she liked the bouquet so much. In a way, she did me a favor—my day was gone—what was I thinking? I always lose time when I’m with friends. It was a most enjoyable afternoon, just the same. It may not be much, but for today, it was my kind of fun.

A Moment in My Life – Throwback Thursday, June 10, 2021

Jeannie Yee Davis

Recently, out of nowhere, I ended up having two separate similar conversations triggering a memory that I’ll share for nostalgia’s sake. When I first arrived in San Francisco in elementary school, I was so shy. Audience: “how shy were you?” Okay, all joking aside. I was topnotch shy, and the funny thing about that is that you understand everything that is going on around you, but the people you encounter treat you like you don’t speak their language. Do you know how in sitcoms, the character raises his voice at a foreign person who doesn’t speak English as if they were hard of hearing? The same principle applies here. People tend to treat you stereotypically. 

In my case, the school staff and the teachers thought that I didn’t speak English. It’s hilarious they presumed that when my transcripts should indicate I transferred from Canada. Why wouldn’t a Canadian speak English? Oh, right. Come to think of it, parts of Canada spoke French, but that wasn’t my case. They felt I spoke Chinese and asked my soon-to-be desk mate, Rita, to ask me a question in Chinese. I heard them talking to each other, and I understood every word, but did I speak up? No. Why would I? I was shy, remember? Up until this point, I hadn’t uttered a sound. I waited for Rita to ask me her question. 

When she spoke to me, she got a “Huh?” and grotesque look out of me. Our teacher asked Rita to speak Chinese to me. Was that Chinese? What did she say? Afterward, she told our teacher that she didn’t think I was Chinese. What? That was Chinese? Many moons later when I got to know my classmates, who were predominately Chinese, I learned that most of them spoke Cantonese, whereas my family spoke Taishanese. Aside from being shy, I went through culture shock here from a predominately Italian community in Canada, which didn’t help matters whatsoever. I always think of Steve Martin in The Jerk, where he said, “You mean I’m going to stay this color?”

If only that introduction broke me of my shyness, but it didn’t. Everybody continued to believe that I didn’t speak English, and I let them, ending me up in their ESL (English as Second Language) program through my junior high years. It was meant to be. I loved everything in ESL. I learned so much more about the English language and grammar that apparently, the English classes all the other students took didn’t teach. I fell in love with the written word from these classes, and my dream of being a writer was born.

Life in ESL was more straightforward and slower, which turned out to be what a shy little girl needed precisely—just a little hand-holding, and from there, I learned from my “real” little English-speaking classmates how to speak Cantonese. After you got the gist of it, it wasn’t that different from Taishanese. It’s rather pretty a dialect and a higher pitch more fitting my preferred speaking tone.

Sometimes I wish I attended regular classes as my older sister did, but I believe everything happens for a reason. She’s 100% outgoing, and I was pretty much the complete opposite. I may not have thrived in regular classes. For that reason, I’ll always be grateful how things turned out, but none of that might have happened had they known I spoke English just fine—if they only knew.  

A Moment in My Life – Whimsical Wednesday, June 9, 2021

Jeannie Yee Davis

I’ve seen so much change as we go through the motions of living a life—growing up, getting an education, working our careers, discovering ourselves, and interacting with people—basically coming into our own. Civilization keeps on advancing along with us with new must-haves. It’s a constant game of out-with-the-old and in-with-the-new. Many things we once adored we now cherish as a memory, but one constant remains through the test of time, and that’s music. Music has taken different forms, with new artists making a name for themselves, but music has not disappointed over the years.

According to the Smithsonian, “Making music is a universal human trait that goes back to at least 35,000 years ago.” No wonder we’re so drawn to music—it’s a human trait. Not for everybody, but music touches all of us at one time or another—for some, more so. If there’s a celebration, there is music. Are you working on a physical project or exercising? Music makes the task more enjoyable. Need some white noise? Turn on the music. Even during the sad times, music consoles.

I’m not sure how it began, but during my teen summers, our house was the “happening” place where the neighbor’s kids snuck over after our parents went to work, and we spent every day together. It always started the same way, with us fighting over who went first to choose the songs we sang with a hairbrush in hand. It’s incredible how fast the day flew by when we entertained ourselves along with records—before karaoke became the bomb. Someone once told me kindly, when I sang, not to give up my day job. Hence, you won’t ever catch me singing in a karaoke bar. My public singing resides with the old hairbrush in the past. Do you want to know a secret? I still sing, but only in my safe place—my car with the windows rolled up where nobody can hear me.

 It’s funny how things worked out. Forever, I was a closet music lover. It might have something to do with my getting into trouble for listening to my Walkman under the covers in the middle of the night as a teen—pre-headphone days. During the pandemic, I’ve come out of the closet, and proudly so. Thanks to technology, I could listen to music on my phone all day and even Bluetooth my playlist onto my car’s sound system. Why stop there? If you run into me somewhere and call my name, please don’t think I’m ignoring you if I don’t respond. It’s most likely that I didn’t hear you since I typically have music piping through my ears.

If there is music nearby, you can count on smiles. One day, I stood in the long 6 feet apart checkout line at Trader Joe’s, immersed in my music. The cashier kept turning towards me as I approached his checkstand, and he got my attention. We made eye contact, and we were swaying to the rhythm of the music in my ears. For a moment, he scared me. Can everybody around me hear my music, too? It turned out he was only mirroring my swaying. Oh oops. I was embarrassed, but his luminous eyes put me at ease. When I reached him, he said that it was refreshing seeing someone have a good time in line different from the same old, same old—that made sense. I can imagine how bland the same old could be. For a moment, music connected us and covered our faces with smiles.

I can’t imagine a life without music. I don’t think I’ve ever listened to music as much as I have during the last couple of years. It’s been a lifesaver for those moments where there was so much noise in my head that I couldn’t think. When I needed a good cry, a sad song helped that along. So many beautiful pieces bring back memories as if they were yesterday to relive and warm my heart, especially when it was our songs. Beautiful melodic tunes quickly fill the void of loneliness. An uplifting melody gets me dancing my happy dance, which instantaneously replaces any gloomy mood. Some soulful songs inspired me to write my stories, which never would have happened otherwise.

I connected with two different groups online, where we share a mutual passion for music. For the first time, I’m not enjoying songs alone. My groupies and I share song videos, and having discussions over the songs has introduced me to some great songs and some beautiful people—all because of music.  

It’s no understatement when I claim the importance of music in my world. It may seem frivolous and a waste of time to some people, but I can assure you that it couldn’t be further from the truth. Music is a survival mechanism that can soothe a hurt, mend a broken heart, resonate a love, officiate a celebration, commiserate a farewell, and connect people. 

Music has seen me through my formative years. It has been like an old trusted friend who has been there for me through the good times and the bad, which means music is my life.  

A Moment in My Life – Meaty Monday, June 7, 2021

Jeannie Yee Davis

Remember the famous quote from Forrest Gump, “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get”? That is such a profound representation of life. Neither the box of chocolates nor life holds what you expect to find. I’m adding people to that list. When you meet someone, you never know what you’re going to get. It’s true not to judge a book by its cover. I’ve learned I can’t even consider how well the relationship is going based upon our conversations. Who says if you’re hitting it off and “getting” each other, that it means you’re connecting? There are no guarantees. That’s the part that hurts the most. You think you made a friend, but the friendship fizzles before it begins. I’m not talking about a romantic relationship specifically, but rather relationships in general. 

One night, this lady from one of my FB groups messaged me and started a conversation that traversed into the wee hours as we got to know each other. I was intrigued as we walked the same streets growing up and never met each other. It was fascinating hearing her life play out on those same blocks where I lived a completely different life as if we lived in different time periods. 

When it was time to call it a night, we both expressed mutual anticipation of sharing more stories over future conversations. I was thrilled, and I sent her a friend request which, to my delight, she accepted straight away, only to have her unfriend me a few days later without a word. As superbly as we connected that night, she misled me into believing we had a connection, and I had a new friend only to discover that she did not share the same feelings for whatever reasons. From that, I deduced the only guarantee we can count on is while you’re connecting and having a fun time that you had a good connection at that moment—anything beyond that—there are no guarantees.

I met this guy during an event. He and I immediately hit it off, finishing each other’s thoughts as if we were two peas in a pod. We connected like long-lost best friends. I seriously need to stop being such a sucker for people with similar interests. I felt we had so much we could learn from one another. We moved our chat online, where we continued to discuss our mutual interests. As engaging as our conversations were, we said all we had to say a few days later. We both knew it. Sometimes, when you meet someone and have an engaging exchange, that’s it—that’s all there will ever be. He was the wiser one and knew when to end it. One night, he sent me a good night message, but in the midst of it, I read between the lines, as he wished me “happy days, always” before closing with a good night, and I knew that was going to be the last good night from him. At least he gave me a clue where we were heading—nowhere. 

Luckily, these scenarios are the exception and not the rule. I’ve met some wonderful people over the years who once were strangers with no commonality yet became friends for life. Like Franklin, who I met on Bart during our commute. After running into each other on the same Bart train many afternoons, we struck up a conversation, and that was it. We’ve been buddies for over a decade now. I no longer commute, but we stay in touch and meet up periodically for lunch.

Even longer than that, I have been blessed with my soul sister, Lenore, who I met over thirty years ago. She started as my late husband’s Star Trek buddy, and eventually, I joined in with their Star Trek banter. Since Lenore came into my world, our friendship morphed into a deep, meaningful relationship where the sky is the limit on our discussions. We couldn’t limit our conversations to one topic. After all these years, you’d think we’d run out of things to share, but that couldn’t be further from the truth as we write to each other every week.

Along with Franklin and Lenore, many more notable people light up my life with their special stars. Each has added unique flavors to my world, like a delicious assortment of chocolates in the box. Did I know what I was going to get when I met them? No, I didn’t, not until I got to know each of them. Luckily, like a box of chocolates, I don’t have to pick only one to love.

I compare people to a box of chocolates only to the extent of their unique divine deliciousness. Aside from that, people are complicated. Everybody has their story and their timeline, and timing is everything as far as I’m concerned. I don’t know why some relationships fail to work out, but I’m grateful for those that do. I much rather end a day with chocolate than with the last good night.

A Moment in My Life – Friday, June 4, 2021

Jeannie Yee Davis

The other day, I posted the song “If You Leave Me Now” by Chicago on a FB group that I belong to. Unbeknownst to me, someone commented, “You’ll take away the biggest part of me…..my saving’s account!” I had no idea what to say to that.

 I meekly replied, “LOL, um, sorry?”

The next thing I knew, someone else chimed in with “Don’t feel bad, but it’s “Hard To Say I’m Sorry” LOL,” rendering me speechless. It’s rare to catch me not knowing what to say, but here I was, dumbfounded. I wondered why he put Hard to Say I’m Sorry in parentheses. I wasn’t familiar with this person, so I figured that was his little quirk. 

I accidentally ran into Chicago’s song “Hard to Say I’m Sorry” on YouTube, and a lightbulb turned on in my head. I realized that in his comment, he used a song title, giving me the bright idea to Google a list of Chicago’s songs. There were at least fifty. I scoped out the list of songs and discovered a wealth of great titles that I could use to string together a story, and I decided to play along.

I replied, “it’s okay if it’s “Hard to Say I’m Sorry.” Just “Make Me Smile,” and everything will be fine and dandy.”

My reply pleased my challenger as he exclaimed, “you’re making me smile, wow…..” Baby, What A Big Surprise!”

And that was the start of a sensational new skillset that I didn’t know I had. I morphed from being speechless to rocking it with this lyrical punning exchange. I’m sure there’s a name for this exercise, but I have no idea what it is, so I’m calling it “Fun with Pun.” Since Chicago has over fifty song titles, I was thrilled beyond belief that he and I could use many exchanges before we exhausted the titles.

I continued with, “Super cool! Glad to make you smile, and it’s no big surprise when “You’re the Inspiration.”

Him: Yes, we’re having fun with Chicago’s music from the “Old Days.”  

Me: But, don’t stop. “Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?” I’m just getting started here. Chicago always does “Color My World” and makes every day “Saturday in the Park.”

Him: Yes, no need to stop b/c it’s “Just You “N’ Me’ doing Chicago! So, just “Call On Me” regarding our passion for music! I love all your input and responses since the “Beginnings!”   

Me: I’m so glad you said that because the feeling is mutual. You are a “Hard Habit to Break” cuz I idolize your musical eloquence and feel I’d be lost “If I Should Ever Lose You.”  

Him: Yes, it was really fun exchanging song titles with you. Oh, by the way, today was a bit ‘windy,’ just like “Chicago”!  

Me: Yes, these exchanges were a fun way to feel “Alive Again.” That’s perfect; the winds came along to set the mood! After all, “Chicago” is the ‘windy city,’ and some days it’s “Feelin’ Stronger Every Day.” 

Him: Cool! “Questions 67 And 68”, here’s question 69, what’s your lucky numbers? “25 Or 6 To 4”? Yes, I do feel “Alive Again” with our exchanges!  

Winding down.

Me: “If She Would Have Been Faithful…” he wouldn’t have emptied his savings account, and I wouldn’t have been sorry. Then, you wouldn’t have come to console me, and we wouldn’t have taken this scenic route through “Chicago.” Perhaps it’s “Hard to Say I’m Sorry,” but there’s a lot to be said for talking things out. Now, we’ll always have “Chicago.” It was fun!  

And that’s where it ended. Thanks to him, I recognized a new skill set that I feel I’m pretty good at. It came so effortlessly to me to string these words together. I had a blast. I had no idea I was capable of playing with words like this. I honestly didn’t want this game to end. Anyway, all good things must come to an end, even the game of “Fun with Pun.”

A Moment in My Life – Thursday, June 3, 2021

Jeannie Yee Davis

If you had a choice, what would you do? Would you choose to be alone or be with someone for the sole purpose of being with someone? We don’t always have a say, and especially not everybody does, but if you did, how would you choose? 

When I was in high school, my future seemed pretty set with me marrying a guy that my mother selected for me. It was done to her and done to my older sister, and it was my turn to follow suit. The thing that never made sense to me was that mother hated it being done to her, yet as soon as her daughters were of age, she willingly continued with the old-fashioned matchmaking tradition between some guy’s family with ours. 

Long story short, my older sister had no voice and married the chosen man for her. It wasn’t going to work for me. I’m too romantic to spend a moment of my life with someone I do not genuinely love. I didn’t have a voice either, but I was witty and managed to convince my mother that each guy she presented to me did not fit her expectations quite how they sold it to her. I wore my mother down, and she relented with “Fine. You find your own husband.”  

I married the love of my life—the best person I’ve ever known. We had an incredible 37 years together. Our story wasn’t peachy every day, but nothing seemed that bad as long as we were together. We were rarely separated until death separated us for good. 

Now, I’m in my later years and single. My unattached girlfriends and I have been exploring this subject lately, and since it’s fresh on my mind, I am sharing my thoughts with you. Some dislike the aloneness to the point where they would rather be with a guy who may not be ideal, but he would replace the loneliness. I know that unless we’ve walked a mile in someone else’s shoes, we honestly can’t judge their decision. Although, I’m curious how I would handle it? How would you take it? The only thing I could do is play scenarios in my head to get an idea of what life would look like with different people.

The people we have around us do impact us more than you know. If you spend a lot of time with someone, it’s easy to lose yourself in that person. It could be for the better or the worst, but change is inevitable. The people we hang out with make us who we are. I’ve met a variety of people within the last six months, and some of them have impacted my life tremendously without my realizing it until I noticed the effects that took a toll on me. We weren’t in a relationship. We were just friends. Yet, this person had a significant impact on me, and eventually, I realized I was smothered and drained and no longer was living my life my way. How did that happen? It was little subtleties each day until it became all day, and I realized I was no longer alone. I fell into a relationship without knowing it. That’s scary if you ask me. Other people came into my life and added smiles and positivity to my day. Those scenarios helped me see what works and what doesn’t work for me.

People used to ask me how my late husband and I managed to spend 24/7 together and didn’t kill each other. The simple truth was that we could live in a studio apartment 24/7 and be out of each other’s hair. How does that work? We spent time together but also apart. We shared the same room doing our own things. For example, we used to sit next to each other to be near one another, but we did our own things. That was the beauty of our relationship. We got to be together all the time, but we did our own thing. We gave each other space and the freedom to be ourselves. 

I mentally combined the different scenarios and concluded that I like being with someone, and I value my freedom. I never cared for micromanagers and definitely didn’t like to be smothered. Considering these few preferences, I would rather be alone than to have someone in my life who doesn’t allow me the freedom to become all that I could be. Life is too short to spend any of it with someone who breaks you down or drains you. 

Our goal in life should be to inspire people every day and help each other be the best versions of ourselves. Above all, to spread kindness and positivity every chance we get. That’s the kind of person I’d like to spend my every day with, too. For that reason, I wouldn’t want to be with someone contrary to this plan, but it is subjective to be or not to be.