Category: A Moment in My Life

A Moment in My Life – Monday, August 23, 2021

Jeannie Yee Davis

When there are people involved, you know it’s going to be tricky. The cool thing about people is that we’re all individual and unique. We’re not robots programmed to be a certain way. How boring life would be if we knew the exact outcome of every situation. Who wants to hang out with the same old same old all the time? I don’t. After a while, I’m likely to say, “Let’s not do it and say we did,” and call it a day. Life is too short to waste a second of it in redundancy. The problem with people is that you never know what you’re going to get with them. People keep us on our toes. They help us grow and become better people or destroy us. I hope for the former for all of us.

Being individual means, we choose the way we live, our preferences, and our responses to everything. Everything about us is unique, making it entertaining being with different people. Yet, people are funny. We strive for individuality, but what do we do? We seek similarities in the people we associate with, but since we’re individuals, we don’t always share commonalities or see eye-to-eye—that’s a pro and a con. As neat as it is to be different, there’s a lot to be said for “We’re both the same way.”

It feels terrific to like the same things with my peeps, especially with new friends. It confirms we have a connection. Anything other feels like we’re not getting along, and that’s not a good feeling. I can guarantee you that you’d have a disconnect with every relationship at some point. It will happen more often than we’d like. Only a select few I know crave for a good debate of sorts while the rest of us avoid confrontation at all cost.

And that brings me to the tricky part—what makes people tick? You never know what you’re going to get, regardless of how strong your relationship is. There are too many drivers that could ignite an unexpected emotion out of the blue that can create havoc in your relationship. When it comes to emotions, we could be born twins and respond entirely differently, meaning if we can’t count on twins to react the same way, how can we expect anybody else to react the same way?

I have a FB friend, who has a lot in common with me. We share interests and enjoy good banter like we did Saturday. Our conversations contained merriment and compliments. I thought everything was peachy when suddenly, he said something that caused me to go, “What are you talking about?” He tried to explain, but he did so in his riddle way. You see, although we have a lot in common, we handle confrontation as different as day and night. He tends to beat around the bush and hope I get it. I prefer you cut to the chase and tell me straight. Eventually, we got there but only after a bushel of hurtful words.

I am not proud of my verbal response to his accusations, but it is what it is when it catches you off guard. I did not see his comments coming at all. I honestly thought everything was fine between us. We had issues in the past, but we worked it out, and we had an understanding that I thought has been working for us. I don’t know what drove him to this point, but it did not end well. We did not see eye-to-eye. I prefer to resolve the issue and not leave it open-ended, but we’ve already been down this road before, and at this point, there is no sense in rehashing the scene.

I believe people are good, but with bents created by the individual circumstances that cause us to be sensitive to certain things that we could set off with the slightest effort. Something during our banter set him off. I believe he honestly thought he was doing me a favor in saying what he said, but that’s his belief, and that’s where my agreement ends. However, it doesn’t matter what the content of our disagreement was. What does matter is how we handled the situation. 

I strive to be more like Cassie Nightingale, “The Good Witch,” who always sees the good in people and gives everyone the benefit of the doubt. She miraculously works out all situations in a positive manner. I admire her because it’s not an easy task for any human. My unfavorable response to my friend clearly showed that I have much work to do in achieving my goal of being like Cassie. Serendipitously, the song “Heart of Gold” appeared in my Amazon queue this morning. This song comforted me and refocused the unfavorable situation to the root of the problem, which was, as I mentioned—our bents. It doesn’t make it right or wrong. It is the way that we respond to whatever propelled the hurt. People hurt people because they were hurt. We’ve all been there. 

My mistake propelled my hurt to my friend in response to his hurtful words that tore my spirits when I should have taken a step back and not take it personally. I should have tried to understand where he was coming from and discuss the scene diplomatically instead of taking it personally and attacking back. What my friend should have done was sleep on it since it was so close to bedtime. After a good night’s rest, if he continued to feel that he should say something to me, then he should have spoken up. There was much both of us could have done better. I can’t control my friend’s actions, but I could control mine, and I should have done better. It’s too late for this situation, but it’s not too late to exercise kindness and compassion in my future situations if I want to be more like Cassie Nightingale, who is the perfect example of one who has a heart of gold.

A Moment in My Life – Wednesday, August 18, 2021

Jeannie Yee Davis

“‘Cause I can’t make you love me if you don’t. You can’t make your heart feel something it won’t,” so the song “I Can’t Make You Love Me” goes. This couldn’t be more true because we can pretend to like something for a while, but ultimately it becomes too much work to keep up the pretense. 

Why do people do it? I’ve wondered most of my life, but I’ve yet to learn why people play the games they do. One day, I’m going to do a study and get to the bottom of this. Until then, I can only imagine why. I know a couple of people who are entirely different when their spouses are present. One friend who was carefree and enjoying lunch with me became agitated and practically jumped out of her seat when her husband surprised her at our table. Her personality shifted from relaxed to formal, and she was apologetic about everything from the place setting to the food she chose. I don’t know their expectations, but I’m surprised she didn’t apologize for hanging out with me.

I never cared for micromanagers at work, let alone in my personal life. Let me know what you want done, then leave me to get it done for you. That’s how I operate. The bosses I remained friends with respected my space. I adore the song “Float On,” where it opens with “Aquarius and my name is Ralph. Now I like a woman who loves her freedom. And I like a woman who can hold her own.” That’s me. Mark and I got along perfectly because he gave me all the freedom I wanted. He was confident and secured with himself and respected me as a person. I firmly believe that is the key to a good relationship—feeling confident about yourself to allow your partner the freedom to be. 

My other friend lies to her husband about her spending. She has her kids and sometimes even told me to tell her husband I bought something for her instead of letting him know she purchased it herself. Interestingly, he was okay with her having things if she didn’t buy them. Wow! How can someone live like that? It’s funny, though. In the movie “Crazy Rich Asians” I saw a similar scenario: Richie Rich Astrid Leong hid all her purchases from her not-so-rich husband in her compassionate attempt to spare his ego. Okay, there I can see an act of kindness but is that the best solution?

In yesterday’s column, I asked whether to bait or not to bait not because I considered using bait or used it, but only because the bait subject came up. I was curious if anybody used baits, and if they did and didn’t mind sharing their stories, I would love hearing their stories, but that was the extent of baiting when I’m concerned. I don’t believe in being someone I’m not, just to get someone to like me. I’m totally for authenticity. It’s too much work and stressful trying to remember lies and which story I told to whom. I can’t imagine marrying someone under a false persona or discovering your spouse isn’t who you thought they were.

I know a couple of widows who sadly discovered after their husbands passed that they weren’t who they thought they were. That was shocking and traumatizing. I don’t know how I would’ve handled it had that been me. I’m sad for them but grateful it wasn’t me. I would not be honoring Mark’s memory had he been a fraud. I guess for these ladies, it’s easier for them to move on from that life knowing the ugly truth. I can’t imagine any relationship based on a lie, especially not in a marriage. 

Ideally, we should be ourselves at all times, but I know that’s not always the case for whatever reason, but home should be the one place we can freely be ourselves. We must be who we are with our significant other without judgment from the get-go for that to happen. I can’t live with someone and play a role. I don’t want to play a role, ever.

In an “Ally McBeal” episode, a man sued his wife, who he believes never loved him. She married him because it was better than being alone. She did love him, but not like he was her one and only, which tried as she did for eleven years, she could not love him with the passion that a husband expects from his wife. 

I think I know why people play the games they do. Everybody wants to be liked. Nobody wants to be rejected. Most of us have some degree of self-esteem or confidence issues that cause us not to like ourselves. Lacking self-acceptance causes us to think others wouldn’t like us either; therefore, we become who we think they want us to be. For many, it’s better to be with an incompatible person rather than alone, even at the cost of giving up their true selves.

There’s much to be said about being yourself. Relationships are delicate. We don’t have to like the same things all the time. It’s nice having common interests, but it’s a lot of fun learning new things, too. We don’t know everything until we’ve experienced it. Part of getting to know new people is trying new things. Who knows, by trying something new, we may discover a talent that we didn’t think we had. 

 I believe people can grow together and complement one another, but we must be authentic to who we are and give the other person a chance to know the real us and for us to know who they are. It may not work out, but at least you were true to yourself. Life is too short to waste pretending to be someone we’re not. Like the song said, “‘Cause I can’t make you love me if you don’t. You can’t make your heart feel something it won’t.” We should learn from our hearts. It won’t lie. You can’t make it feel what it won’t. Don’t waste time with the wrong person. I am a romantic and believer that there is someone for everyone, and when the timing is right, you will find that person that lights up your life. The person who you can’t get out of your mind and can’t imagine living without. It starts with being true to your authentic self. After all, who would be you, if not you?

A Moment in My Life – Tuesday, August 17, 2021

Jeannie Yee Davis

We were all strangers at one time or another. Once you’ve become friends, it’s hard to remember that, and that’s a good thing. The early stages of a relationship, when we first met and during the honeymoon stage, are difficult periods when you’re not sure what you’re getting yourself into yet. It’s true, not all people we meet are good for us. Some might even be harmful or dangerous.

When I first met Dennis Yee via FB, I didn’t know what to make of him. I was so gun shy of friending another guy at that time because I had just ended a new relationship that had somehow interjected itself into my world and turned my life upside down. I fell into a negative funk before realizing that this relationship was not good for me, and I had to end it. If it weren’t for my older sister, who knew Dennis since elementary school, telling me what a wonderful person he is, I wouldn’t have friended him. After three recent challenging, unwelcomed male encounters, I admit I wasn’t very nice to Dennis initially and gave him a lot of resistance, but being the sweetheart he was, he didn’t give up on me. He even went to big sis to make sure that he wasn’t making me uncomfortable. What a guy!

I am curious by nature—maybe that’s why I’m a writer. I kept wondering why I had never heard of Dennis when he and my sister were friends since childhood. I knew I couldn’t ask my sister because, unlike me, who is an open book, big sis is private as heck. I chanced, asking Dennis for their backstory, and that was the beginning of a beautiful friendship between Dennis and me. We adopted each other, and now I have a big bro. Big sis was right about Dennis being a wonderful person, and the more I knew him, the more I wondered why he and my sister never dated. In my humble opinion, and I mean no disrespect to my brother-in-law Ken or Dennis’ wife Happy, but I kept picturing Dennis and my sister in their younger days as the perfect couple. Dennis would’ve been a great brother-in-law.

During one of our conversations where he humored me with my in-law fantasy story that will only live on the page of my novel one day, he turned the tables on me and began asking me questions. He caught me off guard by asking me how I meet people. I thought that was a strange Segway to who knows where he was taking me. It turned out that he was taking his big bro role seriously and was concerned that I was meeting the wrong kinds of guys and suggested that I change my bait. Whoa! Where did that come from? For starters, I wasn’t trying to meet guys. Those unwelcomed encounters just happened, and I shut them down best I could immediately. 

And bait? What bait? What did he mean by bait? In the movies, girls played games to catch a guy, like playing dumb or pretending to be helpless, or faked liking things that the guy liked. Is that what he meant? I had to ask. Maybe from a guy’s standpoint, there was something juicy. I smacked my lips together and rubbed my hands as I waited for his response. I can’t wait. I can’t wait. Then he answered. He said, “This may not be set in stone. But involve yourself into areas of your liking, and that can lead to more common ground areas vs. not.” I asked him if that was it—his bait, and he confirmed it was. I told him that was so boring but spoken just like a wise person, but I was disappointed, sort of.

I expected a juicy story. In a way, I’m glad that was his final answer because it confirmed that he is a decent person. More reason why he is brother-in-law material. Well, at least I get him for my big bro and pretend brother-in-law. Good to know that he looks out for me. Now, he got me started. I am so curious about this bait thing. I don’t use bait. Do you? I am curious what y’all think. Has anybody used bait to get a date? If so, do share the details. And let me if you think yay or nay to bait or not to bait?  

A Moment in My Life – Monday, August 16, 2021

Jeannie Yee Davis

This Saturday, I unexpectedly went on an errand run for paper and ink cartridges. Now, I can’t say that I have never entirely run out of 8 ½” x 11” paper. Luckily, it printed the last page of my document before I ran out of paper and got the warning, “your ink cartridge is extremely low.” Forget about waiting until Costco has their ink sale, which I believe they had in the last coupon book. I didn’t realize I was low on ink, so I ignored that sale. Today, I have little choice whether to wait for another sale or not. 

I may have little choice, but I was still in control, so off I went to Costco and Staples to check the paper and ink cartridge inventory and prices before buying anything. It’s been years since I physically drove from store to store to window-shop. Before Amazon became the one-stop shopping giant, I let my feet instead of my fingers do the shopping. It was kind of fun hopping in and out of the stores again. 

I went into Costco expecting to find my 62XL ink cartridges on their shelves—maybe not the price I was willing to pay—but they would carry the stock. I also expected to find a carton of 8 ½” x 11” paper, which would present the dilemma of whether I wanted to invest in that much paper at one time or not. Contrary to my expectations, they didn’t have my ink cartridge in stock at the El Camino Real warehouse. To my surprise, they offered a ream of 800-sheet multi-purpose paper for $7.49, meaning I don’t need to buy the box.

I went to Staples, most likely for paper but not for ink. As little as I want to pay an arm and a leg for the ink at Costco, they tend to offer the best price, but you never know if Staples might happen to have a sale going on. Staples was my go-to place for printer paper, and they didn’t disappoint. The last few times I went there, they didn’t have a paper sale. This Saturday, I showed up just in time for the last day of their paper sale—a 500-sheet ream of multi-purpose paper at half off for $4.99. Just as I expected, the individual ink cartridge price was more than Costco’s.  

I saw the paper display when I entered Staples. I busied myself reading their sale offer when a kind salt and peppered hair salesman approached me and asked if I needed help, which I appreciated his kindness but declined. After seeing what I came to see, I headed to Price Club, which is what I call the other Costco on South Airport Blvd, to distinguish the Costco in reference. I think I’m getting soft because I had this urge to thank the gentleman on my way out of Staples. I haven’t seen such customer service anywhere in forever. He was busy serving a customer, so I reluctantly left without seeking him out.

Since the per-unit price for the paper was 9 cents at either store, I planned to purchase the 800-sheet ream from Price Club. Luck was on my side. It turned out they had my 62XL ink cartridge making my shopping at Price Club a success. 

On my way home, I kept thinking about this notebook I saw at Staples. That’s the trouble with physical shopping, you might see something that you didn’t plan on buying, so I decided to go back for it. I’m a sucker for purple notebooks. 

Guess who I walked right into when I entered Staples? Yep, you guessed right, that kind gentleman whose name is Rickey. Rickey was arranging a display near the entrance. The first thing out of his mouth was, “You’re back!” and we chitchatted a bit before I got my notebook. After I completed my purchase, I made sure I sought Rickey out, this time, and said goodbye. 

In a way, I wish I didn’t because he made it hard for me to leave. I found him where I left him earlier, and I said, “Okay, Rickey, I’m heading out,” and we chatted a bit and said our goodbyes. Such a sweet man. He asked if I was returning that night since I might come back for something, but I assured him that I completed my shopping. He seemed so sad, and it broke my heart to have to leave him. It’s crazy, but it doesn’t take much for me to warm to someone, and apparently, he is the same way. After all, everybody was a stranger at one time. 

Throughout this errand run, my expectations were all over the place. I began the trip with certain expectations—some met, some not—but I accomplished what I set out to do in the end. It turned out the best part of my experience was when I went with the flow of things and just let life play out. I couldn’t have planned or expected to meet someone who would touch me in such a sweet way. Who knows if our paths would cross again, but for this one afternoon, this lovely older gentleman put a smile on my face and made my day a better one, and that was unexpected.

A Moment in My Life – Friday, August 13, 2021

Jeannie Yee Davis

One thing led to another during my walk yesterday as I thought about the topic for today’s column. I do a lot of brainstorming during my walks and birthed many stories, but nothing concrete came to me at that moment. On and on, I wandered with the blank slate in my mind and the invisible chalk between my fingers. I began laughing because if there’s nothing in my head inspiring me, I could keep on pushing myself, and at the end of the walk, the slate will still be blank. 

I laughed and laughed. It was too funny to expect something out of nothing, which reminded me of my fourth-grade class in Vancouver, Canada, where Miss Boychek, the meanest teacher in the universe, made us stand in the aisle until we knew the answer to her math question. Soon, most of the students were lining the aisles hovering over the few remaining seated. Eventually, more of us joined the seated ones. Somehow, I always ended up being one of the few left standing. It’s hilarious thinking back to that moment, but I tell you, at the time, fear was more fitting than funny as I envisioned myself still standing there, a pillar supporting the building years later. After all, if I knew the answer, why would I subject myself to Miss Boychek’s torture?

Then came a prince to my rescue—my brainiac classmate. The other day, I shared that I have trouble recognizing faces, which makes me sound like a hypocrite because, in this scenario, I can still see this little Chinese boy’s face as he lipped the answer across to me and saved me from being a building fixture. In this case, I don’t remember his name, but I can’t forget his face. Boys often got the bad rap, and quite often, they deserved it, but there was nothing bad about this boy. I wonder what became of him. I would love to see him again and properly thank him.

Miss Boychek, the meanest teacher in the universe, and I kid you not. In Vancouver, teachers were allowed to administer corporate punishment with a thick leather strap. I was an angel and never tasted the strap. Yeah, that’s my story, and I’m sticking to it. Okay, fine. I was too chicken to misbehave. If you had Miss Boychek for your teacher, you would be, too—unlike my classmate, Suzie Gee. Oh man, Suzie. Suzie, Suzie, Suzie. Where is she now? Sigh. That girl had thick skin. Oh, I hurt for her. I’ve cried for her. Tears well up as I think of her now. If only she heard how often I yelled at her in my mind to sit down, shut up, behave, stop challenging Miss Boychek, but no, she never heard me. Dumb kid! Made me so mad, but even so, I can’t say she deserved to get whipped almost every day or even once. Nobody deserved a whipping, ever! Miss Boychek and Suzie spent a lot of time in the cloakroom, where the crack of the strap mirrored the echoes of Suzie’s cries filled the classroom scaring the rest of us silent and draining the blood out of our bodies.  

Wow, one thing really did lead to another where I started with nothing that led me to a version of nothing that led to a whopper of something, and two tissues later, I remember a time I much rather not remember. Although, if not for the bad memories, I wouldn’t have the good ones. If not for Miss Boychek’s torture, I probably wouldn’t have my prince’s face imprinted in my mind to this day. I wish I remembered his name. Now, he’ll always be my mystery man. Ooh, that sounds like an excellent title for another story. I wonder whatever became of my mystery man. I wonder how Suzie turned out! I hope she didn’t get scarred for life. I even wonder, just a little, whatever happened to Miss Boychek. I wonder, where are they now?

A Moment in My Life – Thursday, August 12, 2021

Jeannie Yee Davis

Do you know someone with FOMO? I didn’t know there was such a thing as FOMO until my friend, and I’ll call her Lizzy, enlightened me that she has FOMO. FOMO? What’s that? That’s the “Fear of Missing Out,” defined as “a constant need to take part in as many things as you can because you fear missing out on them.” It all made sense the longer Lizzy, and I talked about her FOMO. I began seeing her world through her eyes—the way she thinks and the drivers in her decision-making. Why she did the things that she did—lived how she lives. You probably know someone with FOMO like I did and never knew it. People with FOMO look like everybody else. The only tell-tale is perhaps that the FOMO person is very busy, trendy, and gregarious, which is my definition of a popular person. Lizzy has always been a popular person, so I never suspected it had anything to do with her fear of missing out. 

No wonder Lizzy needed only a room to sleep in and store her stuff. She was rarely home since she never turned down an invitation. She revealed that if something was happening, she had to be there. She must try everything. She had to be included. She overcommitted. Lizzy’s jam-packed calendar of events exhausts me. I keep a fairly busy schedule myself, but I’m a homebody at heart, making it difficult for me to understand someone who has to be everywhere, with everybody, doing everything all the time. For someone who can’t be with people non-stop and who needs alone time to recharge, this FOMO thing is a challenging topic for me to grasp. 

Lizzy and I have a standing phone date, and last night as our chat went from one topic to the next, she shared how she can’t decide on a Netflix movie to watch. I suspected it had to do with her not wanting to miss out on any movie, hence back to her FOMO. I saw a segment on yesterday’s GMA3 about FOMO, and I planned to ask Lizzy how she’s been doing FOMO-wise during the pandemic. Her movie dilemma was the perfect segue into this topic. For starters, I told her if I were with her, she wouldn’t have a movie dilemma—I would have selected a movie pronto. I was curious how she’s been handling FOMO during this pandemic? Has she been climbing the walls or stressing out over what she might be missing? Or has her FOMO tapered down? Lizzy said that it has lessened because everybody is in the same boat. Nobody is doing anything; thus, she isn’t missing out on anything. I found this logical but interesting that someone with FOMO could feel okay without being involved because nobody else was doing anything. I figured she’d have these feelings of missing out regardless, but I was wrong. I’m glad that Lizzy has this sense of calm at the moment. 

FOMO may be a driver for Lizzy, but it’s so not for me. On the flip side, JOMO, the “Joy of Missing Out,” where you relish the time alone, unplugging emails, texts, and all social networks, and cultivating your relationship with yourself,” is also so not for me. Temporarily? Sure, but not long-term. I know some people who prefer total solitude. Whether I’m busy or a hermit, I always make time for my networks. I desire and need my alone time, but I love my tribes, too. I’m grateful I don’t have to pick one over the other. I’ll keep finding a balance between the two worlds. Your turn. Do you know someone with FOMO?

A Moment in My Life – Wednesday, August 11, 2021

Jeannie Yee Davis

If my life depended on me recognizing people, I’m a goner. Remember the days we frequented crowded restaurants where servers were plentiful, all dressed in uniform or the same color and type of clothing? Top that off with all of them being the same gender sporting a similar haircut and possibly similar body types, and I wouldn’t be able to tell you which one of them was my server. I needed my server to have a streak of purple hair or something different that makes them stand out.

Name tags are fabulous. I often wished everybody wore name tags at my hubby’s annual family picnic. Once a year, we got to see the whole Davis & Gallegos clan, but only once a year. Now, let me tell you, there are many on the Gallegos side, and all the uncles and cousins look alike to me. Each of them is equally loving and friendly. I love them all. We greet each other with bear hugs and warm greetings, so happy to see each other, but it’s embarrassing. I don’t know who I just spoke with, and with each passing year, it becomes that much harder to own up to having no clue. Luckily, I’m not the only one who has no clue, but that doesn’t make me feel any better. Maybe one day, we’ll do the name tags, and for once, I’ll get it down.

One day at church, I volunteered along with many ladies to coordinate an event. There were some new people I hadn’t seen before, and in my efforts to be friendly, I chatted with the ladies, and you’d think I would recognize them after a spin. I thought I was doing well until I asked this lady her name, and she said, “Ning Ning.” What’s wrong with this picture, you ask? Well, a while later, I asked my companion her name, and she said, “Ning Ning.” It’s hard to miss that unique name, but I honestly didn’t recognize her.

To make matters worse, I did it one more time. This time, Ning Ning grimaced, but she kindly answered me again. I was beyond embarrassed, but what can I do except shut up and stop asking the ladies their names. Thank God Ning Ning didn’t hold it against me. Since that hilarious episode, Ning Ning and I have become friends. 

Can you imagine my life now with everybody wearing a mask? The other day, I was at the Kaiser laboratory having my labs done. On my way to my technician’s station, a tiny Asian woman was standing by the restroom door. I nodded my head and said hi as I passed her. She was a stranger to me, but I greet everybody that way. Suddenly, she ran over to me and attempted to hug me as she greeted me by name. I stood back and stared at what I could see of her face, and she was any Asian woman USA to me. She said, “It’s Mia!” and that helped place her, but I tell you, that didn’t make her look any more familiar to me.

I practically live at Costco, and from FB, I learned that some of my peeps are more of a Costco resident than I am. I’m surprised that I’ve never run into any of them there. Then again, would I recognize them? I have to count on them recognizing me. I always imagined that if I were to run into my FB peep, MM, aka Michael Mar, it would be at one of the Costco warehouses we frequent since he lives there. To my surprise, it wasn’t at Costco but rather at Jack’s in San Bruno that I would run into him for the first time. The morning we chanced meeting each other, if MM hadn’t recognized me and spoke up, I wouldn’t have suspected I knew him. The funny thing was he acknowledged me with my mask on, and although he wasn’t wearing a mask due to the newly lifted mask mandate, I still didn’t recognize him right away. After he started talking to me, I realized that it was MM. I was amazed that he recognized me mask and all. How do people do that? I envy them. For me, mask or no mask, I’m a lost cause. I can only hope I’ll never need to be a witness because I would make an awful witness.

A Moment in My Life – Tuesday, August 10, 2021

Jeannie Yee Davis

You never know what could make your heart sing until it happens. For me, it happened yesterday morning during my video chat with my buddy AS, aka Andrew Seid. The topic was cookies. Here’s a little backstory, AS and I met during our early Schwab days and remained buddies long after he left the firm to travel the universe with his father. We’re also fellow Trekkies and X-philes, and recently, we added tax guy to his title. It’s interesting when your buddy is your tax guy. All the usual rules don’t apply here. We’re free to make them up as we go. The best thing about working together again is that we get to kill two birds with one stone (disclaimer: we harmed no birds in this scenario). By this, I mean we get to share a meal while we talk business and catch up with everything going on in our worlds since we don’t live in the same area anymore. 

AS is such a fun guy who is passionate about many things. I loved when AS and Globfly bantered away about all things Star Trek—they were like two peas in a pod—very entertaining and both just as knowledgeable. AS is also such a smile-maker in that I can’t go wrong with him. We’re just two buddies who share common interests, but we got it made in the shade with purple Kool-Aid when food is involved. I say this because it’s not every day that someone volunteers to be your food guinea pig which means, when AS is in town, I get to test drive my latest recipes on him. Little did I know that he would end up loving my dark chocolate chip cookies so much that instead of payment for tax services rendered, he requested payment in dark chocolate chip cookies. How could I say no to that? Especially when he said my cookies were the best he ever had. Here’s the thing about AS, he won’t say something he didn’t mean. Here’s the thing about me and chocolate chip cookies: they are my worst cookie, and I haven’t perfected them to my liking yet. 

For starters, cookies weren’t my thing. I wasn’t much of a cookie eater and never had a desire to bake them either. Now, cakes, on the other hand, that’s my thing. Mm, have cake will travel. One day, I figured how hard baking cookies could be when, after all, kids could bake them. My first batch was a disaster and ended up on the floor. Good thing I test drove with store-bought cookie dough. Although, I later learned the store-bought cookie dough was the problem. Store-bought cookie dough never works well for me, which is fine since cookies from scratch are the better way to go. Since that disaster, cookies and I now have an understanding, and we get along fine.

A week ago, I baked the first payment of dark chocolate chip cookies and mailed them to AS in Southern Cal. I was thrilled when he said the cookies arrived intact and just as he remembered. He put a smile on my face since this was the first time I baked in many months. I was so excited when I finished baking that I packed the cookies and mailed them forgetting to take pictures of the finished product first.

As we talked yesterday, he couldn’t get a word in because I rattled off all the ideas I have on perfecting the upcoming batches, which surprised him. He thought he needed to ration the box of cookies, not realizing that I planned to make more for him. Since we hadn’t discussed the payment amount, I planned to keep him stocked in cookies for as long as he wanted them. Thus, there is no need for rationing. I am so excited I get to perfect these cookies and have someone else eat them for me. With every word that came out of my mouth, I felt my heart sing louder and louder as I realized I couldn’t wait to try my ideas. It is a win-win for both of us. AS floated from the earth after he learned that more cookies are coming, and for me, getting to bake again is the sweetest thing that happened to me lately. 

A Moment in My Life – Monday, August 9, 2021

Jeannie Yee Davis

“Just losing you would be too much to bear. All the things I possess can bring no happiness without you to share, and what would happen to me, darling, if you go?” This is the opening lyrics to Smokey Robinson and the Miracles’ beautiful song “Just Losing You” that a friend introduced to me last night. It’s a simple, poignant piece where the lyricist reflects on the depth of his love for his lover and envisions the unbearable life without her. His words hit too close to home for someone who has experienced such devotion. One where you can’t stand a second apart. One where you know that you’ll make up after a disagreement. One where everything will be all right when you’re together again. This is the kind of love many long to experience—some search their whole life for it but never find it—others do but don’t realize what they have until it’s too late. Then, there’s me, one who had it, appreciated it and lost it. This song sent me down memory lane to the ordinary days with my honey of waking up to his sweet face and doing nothing and everything together, just the simple fact we were together—a life I couldn’t imagine without him in it.

Here it is, my new reality—life without him in it, but he is always nearby where his spirit watches over me. I feel his presence as he guides me through the life that he longed for me—a happy slower life. We complemented each other so well, yet we couldn’t be more different in this one area. He was the master of taking time for each moment, while I was the Flash, always in a hurry to get to the next thing. After all, I have a lot to do and little time to do it in. He never gave up on me as he illustrated by his example the importance of enjoying the moment.

As I listen to this song, I appreciate what it means to stop and smell the roses more than ever before. Flowers are beautiful, but they wither and die. If I wait to smell the roses, they may not be there when I am ready. It’s the same with people. People are here for a flicker. Life changes, and people move away or move on to greener pastures. The old saying that you should tell someone how you feel before it’s too late is spot-on. The other day, I kept running into a casual friend whom I hadn’t seen in a long time. It caught me off guard, not expecting the chance meeting, but after seeing him, I realized that I appreciated his kindness towards me over the years, and I planned to tell him that the next time I saw him. I was too late, our paths suddenly stopped crossing, and I missed the opportunity to express my gratitude.

It’s never too late to let your honey know they mean the world to you. It’s never too late to begin living. The most important thing is “just do it,” as the Nike commercial says. It becomes easier. I now excel at taking long leisure walks with a calm spirit, not worrying about the next thing on my to-do list. When I am with someone, I immensely enjoy being with them where 3-4 hours vanish in a blink. Now, it all makes sense to me. I’ve been doing it all wrong. My goal has always been reaching the finish line, which is essential but not the main event. The main event is the process of getting there—taking my time and savoring each step, each experience, each person I encounter on the road to the finish line. The only time I was never in a hurry was when I was with my honey. Little did I know, that was him preparing me to live without regrets. I know he’s smiling because he finally got through to me—I’ve slowed down, and I, now, am living in the moment.

A Moment in My Life – Monday, August 2, 2021

Jeannie Yee Davis

One of this year’s birthday presents was something I had been recently borrowing from the library, the “Ally McBeal” TV series. I’ve seen only some episodes of the series when it aired on primetime TV. Occasionally, some scene from those episodes I’ve watched pops into my head. Like earlier this summer, I kept seeing the one about Ally coming up with a theme song that she’s supposed to play in her mind when she needed a distraction. In this scene, Ally is trying to induce the song while waiting for the crosswalk light to change. Unbeknownst to her, her shoulder began bobbing to her imaginary music, which started the people waiting with her to move their bodies to her rhythm. When the light turned green, she was bemused by the crowd dancing, instant of walking, across the street with her. The memory of that scene always cracks me up, making me want to watch it again. Now that I own the series, I began watching from the first episode. 

It’s a series about a junior law firm comprised of young lawyers. It’s well written with witty one-liners and quirky, dysfunctional, but lovable characters who deal with heavy-duty topics at work while achieving the personal lives they dreamed of living. There’s music and dancing in every episode, and not to forget the humor. After watching just one episode, I laughed more than I had in years. I love this series. It’s becoming my “smile” therapy. If you are not familiar with the series, smile therapy is one of the methods used by the Cage character.

Since I’m catching all the episodes, I came across one episode where the topic was outdated. This series ran from 1997-2002. I was blown away by how different the times are. In this episode, they overly simplified sexual harassment. I don’t care to go into the details, but the topic of “no” inspired today’s writing. 

It’s too close to home for me. Like everybody else, the word no haunted me most of my life. We live in a society where nobody likes the word “no” in any capacity. Nobody likes saying no. Nobody likes hearing no. Society conditioned us to say yes whether we want to or not. For the longest time, my motto was “damn if I do, and damn if I don’t.” Either way, I lose. If I say no to someone, they feel bad, and I end up feeling horrible and guilty for disappointing them. If I say yes, they’re happy, and I still feel awful because I betrayed myself. It’s a lose-lose situation for me, whichever way I cut it. So, I always said yes, then at least one of us would be happy. 

It took years of reconditioning to get off that bad habit because responding against your grain is neither healthy nor beneficial to anybody. Sure, the person you said yes to gets their way, but you’re not helping that person to grow as a human being in the long run. All you’ve done was help that person know which button of yours to press that would get a “yes” out of you. It’s a form of manipulation, which is not healthy or beneficial. It’s like telling a child that they would get their way if they pout and throw a tantrum.

I’m not saying that we should say no to everybody just to say no. I’m talking about those moments when you sincerely don’t feel it’s a proper fit to say yes. If saying yes will leave you feeling negative about yourself, or makes you feel you betrayed your values, then that’s the time you need to exercise your boundaries and say no. It’s better to say a sincere no and offer an alternative or help find someone else who would be the right fit than to say yes and be disgruntled about it. After all, the rule of life is to do everything with joy in our hearts.

On the flip side, we should respect others to be comfortable with us to say no if that is the answer in their hearts. If we do things right, anger should be nowhere near the equation. If we could let our yes mean yes and our no mean no, we could get along so much better without animosity between us. I know I’m sounding Pollyanna, but I can dream. After all, we have one life to live. Why must it be so complicated?

Also, why can’t a no mean no? It’s just like my telling this guy no when he asked me out. Why do I have to repeatedly say “no”? I’ll say it again. We need to respect each other’s responses. Pushing for the wrong answer creates disharmony and stress. Sometimes, there is nothing more we can do when others aren’t playing by the same rules. Then, all we can do is to state our boundaries and stand firm. In those cases, all we can do is all we can do because it is what it is when no isn’t enough.