Category: A Moment in My Life

A Moment in My Life – Monday, November 16, 2020

I was surprised to see a car parked in front of my house on Saturday because 99% of the time, nobody parks in front of my house. It’s an unspoken rule that nobody parks in front of my house. Just kidding. Seriously, though, nobody parks in front of our house unless they were desperate. I don’t know why, but that’s how it is. People tend not to park at the curve of a circle for some reason. My house is on that curve. When a car parks out front, I notice and become curious why they are parked there. When I looked out my front window, I was astounded at all the cars lining my street, indicating that a neighbor was having a party, and they didn’t invite me. The nerve! Just kidding again.

Since the Pandemic began, I haven’t seen that many cars on my street. On Father’s Day weekend, there were a few more cars than usual. What was this weekend, though, that prompt a gathering at my neighbor’s house? One of my Facebook friends said her neighbor was holding a wedding reception at their home. The guests at my neighbor’s house weren’t dressed up or bearing gifts adding to this gathering mystery.

It didn’t matter what the reason was for this get-together; I was stunned by it considering the Covid-19 numbers are rising, which called for the dialing back from the reopening of businesses. I thought people would be more vigilant and postpone these types of events for a while, but that’s just me. 

I get it that over seven months of hibernation, people being the social beings we are, are getting cabin fever, tired of being cooped up and isolated from human interactions in the flesh. They miss hanging out with people and unwinding at their favorite hangout spots. They want to travel and getaway. I miss doing things with my friends, too. I miss dining and chatting with my friends at a restaurant for hours on end. I miss movies with my BFFs. 

I miss all those everyday things that people do before the Pandemic, but I know we need to stay vigilant to beat this thing. Life goes on in the interim. People have babies, get married, attend funerals, and celebrate other events that happen while we are sheltered in place. For now, this is our reality. Although we are climbing the walls, want this virus to be over, miss living freely without PPE, and fear being near another human for too long, we will never kick the virus off this earth if we give in to our desires now. So, seeing people gather together for whatever reason concerns me, and I hope that they follow social distancing guidelines and enjoy themselves without adding to the problem. 

There was a news flash a moment ago that said, “As coronavirus cases hit new records, governors are bringing back severe lockdowns and restrictions before the holidays.” Ugh. We’re going the wrong way! This is what happens when we let our guard down. It will get worse if we don’t restrict our exposures willingly. We got to hang in there, be vigilant and disciplined a while longer—for as long as it takes. We can do this! That’s all I have to say. I know I’m preaching to the choir. I need some air. I’m going to take VPea for a spin on the freeway for 20 minutes to keep her battery charged and be out in the world, socially speaking.

A Moment in My Life – Friday, November 13, 2020

I committed myself to call my Father-in-Law every day so he wouldn’t feel so alone. I also decided that I would try to help keep his mind sharp for a little longer. He’s fighting a losing battle with a mild case of dementia, but every little bit helps. He finally got it that he needs to walk every day, and I am so proud of him for making the daily effort. He laughs and thinks I’m a genius when I remind him that he would lose it if he doesn’t use it. 

For months, our daily conversations were brief and filled with small talk. ‘How was your day?’ ‘I had a good day.’ Then it became, ‘I had a very, very good day!’ and I purposely call him soon after his dinner, so I could ask him what he had for dinner. I am beginning to realize that this part of his dementia is non-negotiable. His plate could still be warm in front of him, but he isn’t capable of reciting his meal to me. It’s become an excellent icebreaker, though. He laughs every time I ask, ‘What did you have for dinner?’ because he remembers me asking, but he couldn’t give me the answer I expected. Instead, he laughs and tells me, ‘You are funny. You always ask me.’ I tell him, ‘That’s okay. We will try again tomorrow,’ and tomorrow is a new day.

Every so often, I sprinkle in current events, which is always news to him. ‘Thank you. Thank you for telling me that. I didn’t know that,’ he would say. I remind him of who his family is, too. It’s hard to determine what he retains because when he picks up my calls, he started saying, ‘Nice to hear from you again!’ The comment stifles my decision to announce, ‘This is Jeannie, your daughter-in-law,’ which was my way of helping him identify the caller. I recently got my answer. He remembers me as the daily caller but not who I was. 

A few days ago, something I said to him sparked a memory, and we started a serious conversation where I spent the rest of the call bringing him down memory lane and reassuring him that everything was fine with his lodging and his care. I learned that people who have dementia periodically need reminders that they are okay and need their minds put at ease. 

The next day, he couldn’t remember our long, heavy conversation, so I briefly reminded him when he suddenly asked me, ‘Did you remarry?’ I replied, ‘No, I did not.’ Then he surprised me with, ‘You should. You are young and healthy. You should not be alone.’ Wow, that was heavy. I told him that I wasn’t looking and that I am concentrating on my career.

His words lingered in my mind. It feels like only last month that Mark left this world, yet it’s been almost two years. I remember those movies where the widow or widower meets a new person a year or two or three later, and they go through the roller coaster ride dealing with facing the new relationship while dealing with their loss. I used to think that was long enough, and it made sense for them to move on. But now, when I put me into the scenario, it feels too soon. I am nowhere near ready to consider someone new in my life. I realize this is subjective, and unless you have faced this yourself, it is hard to make the call. I do look forward to being with someone new one day, not today. I think it’s too soon, or is it?

A Moment in My Life – Wednesday, November 11, 2020

When your day and your week go smoothly, and it feels like it’s too good to be true, it is. You never know when the other shoe will drop. That’s what happened to me this past week. For a change, which was rare, everything seemed to fall smoothly into place. I was walking on eggshells because it felt like it was too good to be true. In the past, as soon as my day started to feel like it was going to be peaceful and smooth and I would finally get to do what I wanted to do that day, the other shoe would drop, canceling out any hope of things going my way.

After a week or so of having each day fall smoothly and peacefully into place, allowing me to check off one task after another on my quotidian planner list, I began to relax and let it fall into place. I enjoyed having nothing to trouble my mind with and get things done according to my plan. Like I said, if it felt like it is too good to be true, it probably is. 

I had just settled down to take the evening off on Saturday when my cousin’s wife called to check in with me. That was nice and thoughtful of her. We talked for about two hours catching each other up on our Pandemic lives. I had just told her that I have been busy getting my writing career going, which usually answered the question of “work” for most people, but not for her. Next thing I knew, she dropped the one-liner bomb with “Have you started looking for a job yet?” Whoa! What? Where did that come from? Her rationale was that I needed to get a job to keep busy and give me something to do. Seriously? What part of “I’ve been busy” did she not get? Besides that, her bomb lingered with me for days and began troubling me. All things being the same as before she dropped the bomb on me, but suddenly she had me wondering about my financial future, and I began worrying about my finances. I was content and at peace until that bomb dropped, shattering my serenity. 

I prayed for peace and guidance and began feeling more centered until yesterday when I called my father-in-law, which I do daily in my attempt to bring him some cheer. Dad suffers from a mild case of dementia, and our conversations are usually small talk with a sprinkle from his past that I attempt to remind him of his life and the people in it. Since I call him daily, he recognizes me as the person who calls him but not really that I am his daughter-in-law. That’s okay. My goal is to perk him up for a moment each day and help him exercise his faculties. He loves it when I remind him that if he doesn’t use it, he would lose it. He thinks I’m funny and a genius. Hilarious! Yesterday, the conversation turned from light small-talk very quickly to a heavy one-liner bomb when he asked me if he could move in with me! He thinks that he’s living at the assisted living home free because he has no money, and that any day, they would tire of caring for him and throw him out. I spent the call reassuring him that he has plenty of money, and he’s paying for his stay and keep. He felt the complete opposite by the end of the call, which I’m glad, but boy, I tell you, this chat weighed me down.

Before that conversation was history, a friend texted me, alerting me to the news that our pastor had just resigned effective immediately. Whoa! Where did that come from? Did I need another one-liner bomb? It’s these one-liner bombs that throw a curveball into my otherwise lovely day. I know. Challenges help us grow, but I wouldn’t mind if I had smooth sailing every day. Some people love a challenge. Good for them. They can have mine. I really could do without those pesky one-liner bombs.

A Moment in My Life – Monday, November 9, 2020

My girlfriend, Iggy, festively decked the halls of her lovely abode over the weekend. She showed me photos of her creativity, and I couldn’t help but smile bigger and bigger and feel more and more excited that the holiday season is just around the corner. A month ago, I remember Iggy listening to Christmas songs on her radio, and at that time, I was nowhere near ready to entertain anything Christmas. Why not? I’m glad you asked. 

There was a simple reason, and it had nothing to do with me being a Scrooge. My reasoning was because I overdosed on Hallmark Christmas movies. You see, I joined the Hallmark family early last year as a means to have pleasant dreams after Mark passed. Once I watched the first movie, I became hooked. I moved into the Hallmark Channel, and I soaked up every movie I hadn’t seen. I so loved their Christmas in July because I got to catch up on the films I missed the previous Christmas. At that time, I could watch Hallmark Christmas movies forever. However, at the beginning of this year, I was just about all Christmas movie’d out. So, you see, by last month, oh no, I was still not ready for anything Christmas yet. 

You know, a few years ago, I met someone who loves holidays, every single one of them. She couldn’t wait until the holiday arrived before she began decorating. She blasted me away when she decorated for Christmas before Halloween. These days, it’s easy to do that since the stores seem to have a perpetual Christmas display. I guess it doesn’t matter the time of year for some people, but, for me, I like order. I prefer to have some structure, and I guess that means not taking the holidays out of context.

Although, with Iggy having decorated this weekend, I understand her thinking, and I agree with her. Because of Shelter in Place, she and her husband are working remotely. This is her way of bringing cheer to her environment. Oh, and did she? She did such a lovely job decorating her beautiful home! It sure does cheer up the place. 

I was this close to following her lead and decking my halls, too. Instead, I forced myself to sit tight and stick to my original plan not to decorate until after Thanksgiving. My rationale? Let’s enjoy one holiday at a time, and also, it has been a tradition in my family that we put up Christmas the weekend after Thanksgiving. If for no other reason, I will continue the tradition that Mark and I started together and wait for after Thanksgiving.

Recently the Hallmark channel aired their new Countdown to Christmas movies, and of course, you guessed it, I watched one, and it was like love at first sight all over again. I am hooked! I’m thrilled to realize that I’m over Christmas burnout, and I am so looking forward to decking the halls to usher in the Christmas season. 

Thanks to Iggy and Hallmark’s Countdown to Christmas, I am getting excited and ready for Christmas. How about you? Are you ready for Christmas?

A Moment in My Life – Friday, November 6, 2020

There is never a good time to begin a big project. Some times are better than others, but ultimately, you just have to pick a day and start. Otherwise, you never will. I know I’m preaching to the choir. This is probably my self-pep talk, but I’m sure I’m not alone, and many of you are nodding your heads along with me. Although, since the Pandemic, I think there are fewer of you than before spring because I know many of you did tackle your forever unthinkable projects like cleaning out your closets. I applaud each of you for having done that already. I would have been one of them right along with you, but alas, everything I do requires a large chunk of time, effort, and dedication, which kept me at the sidelines cheering you on instead of working alongside you. 

While you chose to tackle your closets, I decided to begin my writing career, which I can humbly say that today marks 26 weeks of my living a writer’s life. I may not have the downsized closet to show off, but instead, I have, including this column, 85 pieces of completed works to show for it. If I were reading this about someone else’s accomplishment, I would be so impressed, but when I realize that this was my accomplishment, my mouth drops open, and I am speechless that I would accomplish this in my lifetime, but I am in awe that I did this in 26 weeks. Do you know what this means? This means that if I put my mind to it and set a course, and apply a massive amount of discipline, I can do anything. 

That is a nice segway to my new plans. Now that I’ve launched my writing career and formed a good solid writing habit, I am ready to tackle those other areas of my life that I put on the backburner while I was busy writing. November is national November writing month, aka NaNoWriMo, which is considered a writer’s holiday and is a big to-do in the writers’ world. It’s funny; usually, holidays mean taking the day off. This holiday, writers worldwide write, every day, to win the 50,000 words challenge by November 30, 12 a.m.

I was nervous juggling 2,000 words a day on a new novel with writing my daily column, but so far, so good, and today is day 6. This encourages me to add more habits to my day, and that’s when I decided that this month, I will tackle the other areas of my life, starting with my wellness, i.e., diet, exercise, sleep, and stress relief. With the time change, I caught up on sleep. I decided to take advantage of that by turning in earlier each night, and once I did that, my day went by smoothly, and task after task fell into place. I appreciate all the advice to get a good night’s sleep. It truly does make all the difference. 

After a week of implementing my wellness habits, I am now ready to take on a big project like the closet. Initially, I was waiting for my wellness results before I tackle my clothes because that determined which piece of clothing stayed or got tossed. Now, I am approaching the project with the mindset that it’s never going to be the right time to address my clothes if I wait for me to be my ideal size. Instead, I need to just do it. Go through my clothes, decide who lives and who dies, and that’s the only way the project will get done. I may regret some of my choices, but that’s life. It needs to be done. Now feels like a golden opportunity to capitalize on cleaning out closets of the mind, body, and surroundings because the time change to fall back is as good a time as any to reset our lives.

A Moment in My Life – Thursday, November 5, 2020

“Good morning, Jeannie! Just heard on Channel 2 News that there’s going to be a second wave of panic buying in the coming weeks due to the rise in Covid-19 cases.” Ugh! Not again! Just when I thought it was behind us. This can’t be happening again! I expected a second wave, and even a possible third, or forth, wave for a rise in Covid-19 cases, but I did not anticipate another wave of panic buying. We survived the horrendous buying panic, and we moved on. Having we learned from the first time around? I’m not a genius or anybody special, so if I learned from that first buying panic outbreak, everybody else much have, too. If only that were true, we wouldn’t have to worry about another buying panic, now would we?

When Lena alerted me to this news, my first thought was to prepare for the worse if the general public does respond exactly by doing as they predicted—panic. I don’t want to add to the panic, but at the same time, I don’t want to let my denial cause me to be one of those people store hopping for necessary supplies, either. I honestly hoped that people would respond disinterestedly to this news, but it makes sense for people to do like me and be prepared, not overly, but just a little. 

Since I had the luxury to drop everything and head to Costco right away, I did. After all, it would be ludicrous for me not to go right away. It would be nobody’s fault but my own for not taking action immediately because I could. The most challenging items for me to find were toilet paper and rice from the last panic buying wave. Luckily, I was well stocked and didn’t need to participate in the panic buying until it lasted too long when I ran out of stock, and it forced me into the lion’s den with all the other desperate shoppers. Many other items were on this hard-to-find list, but these two items were my top essential ones. 

I made it to Costco on El Camino Real, SSF, around noon, and the paper aisle was plentiful. I grabbed a pack of Kirkland brand toilet paper and a ten-pound sack of brown rice, and I was good to go.

A friend told me she went to Costco on S. Airport, SSF, that afternoon, and the paper aisle was utterly bare. Wow! I was right to respond right away. Who would’ve thunk? I guess I wasn’t the only one to react to the news. 

The next day, I realized I forgot to pick up power greens and headed back to Costco. I made a point to glance down the paper aisle and was stunned to find the paper aisle was nonexistent. I chuckled when I saw the mirror side of the aisle with the plenteous mounds of water. I couldn’t understand why people were hoarding water along with toilet paper last time. Good to know people did learn from the first wave. 

I left the warehouse feeling a tremendous sense of gratitude that I covered my basics when I did, and I won’t need to be among the panic shoppers as the supplies continue to deplete. Hopefully, this wave won’t last too long because I am human, after all. I don’t want to be a panic shopper, but if push comes to shove, you may find me saying unconvincingly, “Panic? Who me?”

A Moment in My Life – Wednesday, November 4, 2020

A while back, I asked what happens when we die and go to heaven and reunite with our spouse, who departed from this earth before we did, and we ended up remarrying someone else. I really wanted to know. This whole death and the afterlife are a mystery to me. I have regrets that I can never remedy. I have made peace, but I am still curious.

During the last three weeks of Mark’s life, Mark was often having a conversation with an invisible person. I kept asking him, “Are you talking to me?” and he answered, no. I heard him mumbling often, but when I asked, “Are you talking in your sleep?” he would answer, no. He said he was talking to the people who kept talking to him. I asked him what people—he said he didn’t know who they were, but they kept talking to him.

A part of me knew what that meant, but I trusted in God to deliver Mark from his illness and felt that I was a hypocrite if I acknowledged my suspicions. Another part of me refused to accept the obvious that Mark was getting visits from spirits because his end date was nearing.

I regret that I didn’t accept that reality. Had I embraced it, I could have learned through Mark’s experiences, and I would have my questions answered. My mother went through a similar spirit visitation period before she passed. Due to a language barrier and my mother’s troubled mind, I couldn’t have a conversation with her about her experiences, but I could have, had I not been in denial, with Mark. Perhaps, I could have learned the answer to my question about what happens when we reunite in heaven, but I didn’t ask. It is neither here nor there.

My eyes opened yesterday during my Bible reading when this verse popped out at me. In Matthew 22:29, it says, “At the resurrection, people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.” This means that God created marriage so that we would have companionship and so that we could procreate, but once we are in heaven, we won’t have the same needs as we do while living on this earth. In heaven, we won’t need one specific companion because we will be reconciled to God and each other, which will complete God’s plan for us. 

I was looking forward to reuniting with Mark when I get to heaven, but I know God has a plan for all of us and that His plans will be for our good. As long as I will get to be with Mark in heaven, even if it doesn’t mean as his wife, I can accept that. I trust God, and I know everything will work out perfectly when the time comes. In the meantime, I am grateful that God left instructions on how His master plan works. We just have to look in the Word.

A Moment in My Life – Tuesday, November 3, 2020

This one comment, “It’s too soon, baby,” is more fitting today than ever before. You may think I’m referring to the Pandemic with the Covid-19 numbers rising again as the counties advance toward reopening more businesses, but no, that’s not what I’m referring to, really. I won’t lie. That situation is on my mind. It weighs heavily on my heart. What can I do about it? Nothing, except do my part to remain vigilant and pray that others would do their part, too.

In a way, the Covid-19 status does fit my topic for today because it’s like one step forward and two steps backward. It’s continuously been that way, and I think it’s because it gives us false security that we are heading towards the right direction with each foot forward. Thinking that way, we instinctively relax from our vigilant practices. After all, we’re tired of the current situation and crave returning to life as we remembered. It doesn’t take much to relax and drop our guards. It doesn’t take much for the numbers to go back up, either. All it takes is a little slip up for a setback to happen.

I’m a walking example of that philosophy. This fact brings me to today’s column. Today marks day three after the end of daylight savings time. As I mentioned yesterday, day one was a huge success in my productivity with the extra hour gift of time. Day two, however, wasn’t as smooth sailing because everything didn’t fall into place as smoothly as day one did. Again, this was the ‘one step forward, two steps backward’ philosophy because it seemed so simple that I expected day two to be similar to day one. I felt a false sense of security and relaxed—dropping my guard too soon. I am learning as I go, and the lesson I learned yesterday was that all new habits require discipline, patience, and staying the course until it becomes second nature, which means it’s too soon to relax.

Success comes before work appears in one place and one place only, and that’s in the dictionary. Anywhere else, work comes before success, and successful work usually requires a game plan. A plan is only useful if it is worked. Do you see the domino effect here? Like with the Pandemic, I’m tired of working the course. I want to see the solution, the success of our labor. Each day, I am reminded that that’s not going to happen until we do the work to make it happen.

I’ve been striving to improve my wellness, which covers many areas such as sleep, diet, exercise, and stress relief. We want results, but who wants to work. I sure don’t. People see me as super disciplined, but believe me, I’m as lazy as anybody else. Each time I begin to see success, like say, a pound less on my scale, I relax and end up eating the wrong foods and sabotaging my one day’s success. When I step on the scale, and the number went up, it reminded me that it was too soon for me to relax. The hard work wasn’t over, and after decades of failure, I think I finally get it now. 

With any game plan that I execute, especially with those hard-to-do personal goals like my wellness, I need to recognize that regardless if there are small improvements or successes in view, it’s too soon to relax. I must work the plan, stay the course, and don’t relax because, as soon as I do, I have sabotaged my real success, so I must remember this, “It’s too soon, baby!”