Author: jdavis

A Moment in My Life – Monday, August 17, 2020

The sun cast a crisp candescent softness on the trees and the knoll that felt vaguely familiar. I walked up to the window and took it all in, and the familiarity occurred to me. The momentous time I remember a golden sunlit morning like this one was the morning of 9/11 when I woke to the sun casting a Victorian hue that I had never seen before. I hadn’t turned on the news yet, but my gut told me that something wasn’t right. At the same time, the sun was unique and breathtaking. For a moment, I imagined myself walking along a tree-lined street at the turn of the century when the earth was fresh before it became overcrowded, cluttered, polluted, and when life was simpler.

Today, we have the rare tropical heatwave to thank for this golden sun that’s beautiful yet temperamental. Yesterday morning, I lucked out, snapping a photo of the gorgeous sunrise minutes before it faded behind the grey skies unexpectedly, considering how beautiful the sunrise was. Then, it all made sense as I remembered that I woke to an alert on my phone to expect thunderstorms by 8 a.m. Thunderstorms in August! In the bay area! Why not? We are having a heatwave in August, so why not get the full experience of a tropical thunderstorm to go with it?

I waited for the thunderstorm to materialize, but all I got was the ominous grey clouds like someone waiting for a sneeze. By noon, I gave up waiting and ran my errands. The temperature on my car’s display read 72’, but even without winds, it felt more like 65’, at best, sans the sun. I felt a hint of mugginess once I stepped out of my car. I was getting the full tropical experience, that’s for sure. I went into Safeway and did my shopping. 

Just as I exited the store, the show began with a boom of thunder that broke the bank, and large beads of rain darted for the earth. I toyed with staying sheltered until the rain slowed or stopped, but I could be standing there for a long time. I decided to make a dash for it with the other patrons who had the same idea. We sprinted to our cars, pushing our carts ahead of us as lightning blazed above. I should’ve worn my hoodie, but instead of fretting, I found myself laughing at the joy of being in the thunderstorm and experiencing it up close and personal. Wow! That was fun! I was sopping wet with nothing to dry my wet arms and legs, with my clothes stuck to my skin, but I didn’t care. I sat in my car, laughing while the thunder roared above as if it were laughing, too. 

With the uniqueness of this weather, it’s no surprise that some drivers may not know what to do when they encounter it. I sat behind a car at the red light on Westborough, where the 280 N and S off and on-ramps were, respectively, when there was a spark on the signal light post, and the signal lights went dark. No cars were coming off the freeway, but neither of the two vehicles in the first spots moved until someone honked. I guess they were either in shock or didn’t know that if the signal light is out, we treat the intersection as a four-way stop. I chuckled and wonder how long we would have sat there had someone not honked. I didn’t think to honk because I was too busy questioning myself if the signal light had just gone dark or had it been dark all along, and I didn’t notice. It happened so fast.

That was it—just a flicker that was long enough for me to experience the joy of a thunderstorm where I found myself laughing in the rain, which never happens since I’m not a  fan of rain.

A Moment in My Life – Friday, August 14, 2020

I was at Costco picking up a couple of essentials the other day. It surprised me there were so many shoppers in the middle of the afternoon on a weekday. Except for the masks on everybody’s face, it was life as usual. No offenders were refusing to wear a mask like on the news. People in my neck of the woods are well behaved and decent people. Thank God for that! There were no lines to enter the warehouse—no more maze taking over a section of the parking lot. People were social distancing at the checkout lines, but throughout the warehouse, it was business as always.

The warehouse was once again well stocked. The paper aisle has a wall of paper products of each kind with no restrictions on any of their items. No attendant was standing behind a yellow caution tape rationing out the packs of toilet paper and paper towels like they did a couple of months back. 

Before SiP began, I felt ill-at-ease in my gut with the forming of Covid-19 and thought I’d better stock up, just a little, and I didn’t go crazy like many people who suddenly became hoarders. It was a great idea to buy a toilet paper pack when I did because soon afterward, toilet paper became a commodity. Back in May, I hadn’t run out of toilet paper yet, but I figured with the scarcity of supplies that when Costco restocked the next time, I should buy another pack just in case. Especially since the last two times, I was at Costco; they had zilch. I mean, they were emptied—they didn’t even have a paper aisle in the warehouse at all! Panic swept through me. I was on a mission now to stock up more than ever. 

A few weeks later, I went to Costco to gas up my car, and I figured if no lines were going into the warehouse, I’d go in to walk around and shop around. I haven’t been there in a while. To my surprise, there was no line! As I meandered around the warehouse, I saw a pack of toilet paper in a shopper’s cart, and that reminded me about my plan to stock up. I raced over like a madwoman and said, “Excuse me, where did you find the toilet paper?” He pointed me to the back. I thanked him as I raced off weaving through shoppers, making my way towards the direction he pointed. I didn’t want them to run out before I got a pack. I found the toilet paper at the back of the warehouse behind a yellow caution tape guarded by a clerk standing next to the pallet of Kirkland toilet paper, and a pallet of Bounty paper towels. On this side of the caution tape was a mob of people with carts jamming towards the supply. Later, another clerk came out and forced the crowd into a single file line, clearing the path for other patrons to pass. I filed into this line and waited my turn to advance up to the caution tape. 

This was my first time, as I’m sure it was for many people in this time period, where we experienced the rationing of goods. Most of us wouldn’t have dreamed that we would be living like this in our lifetime, but here we were lining up for a pack of toilet paper. I watched and listened as those before me approached the caution tape. The guard offered each customer either one pack of toilet paper or one pack of paper towels, or both. I didn’t need paper towels, not that many rolls at least, but since we are being rationed, I decided to take one of each. Who knows what would happen tomorrow? Who knows if supplies would become even scarcer than it was? 

As it turned out, weeks later, I was at the same Costco and was surprised to see pallets of toilet paper stored throughout the warehouse. There were small pallets of toilet paper stored on many aisles such as the frozen aisle, the beverage aisle, and at the center back open area of the warehouse. When I arrived at the paper aisle, there wasn’t a wall of paper products, but instead, there was a mountain of paper products. What a sight for sore eyes? I told everybody I could think of, and a couple of days later, a friend told me that she was at the same Costco, but they were, once again, out of stock! By the end of the same week, another friend announced that Costco was well-stocked again. You never know in this climate.

I’m glad that even though we’re still in SiP with necessary social distancing and mask donning requirements, it’s great that the rationing experience was short-lived. Would you have believed that this is how we’d be living if someone told you this a year ago? I wouldn’t believe it had I not seen it for myself.

A Moment in My Life –Thursday, August 13, 2020

For the last few days, I have been craving something but have no idea what. I wanted something different and flavorful. Preferably healthy. I’ve been throwing meals together using what I have in my fridge, freezer, and pantry. Once SiP happened, like most people, I began stocking up on staples, and now I’m trying to use up as much of my stock as I could. Since my refrigerator fix, I’ve been enjoying a sparsely packed fridge and freezer. I plan to maintain it this way. With that said, I try not to overbuy groceries. I buy just a few items each week and try using everything up before I replenish my groceries. That is a doable plan; however, it requires that I eat the same foods for days until I deplete what I have. You probably know what I’m going to say next, and you’re right. I got plenty tired of eating the same old, same old.

Now you know why I’ve got this craving. My takeout options are limited due to availability and to my heart-friendly diet. I wish Mark were here to brainstorm on what we wanted. You’d think that being my own person gave me more freedom to decide what to eat, but it doesn’t make it easier. Having someone to banter ideas back and forth, even if that meant a compromise, would be better—more ideas available to choose. 

I was unable to arrive at a decision, so I planned to see what was on my errand running route that I could swing by at. The first order of business was Trader Joe’s in SSF for flowers en route to the cemetery where I would drop off the flowers at my mother’s grave for her birthday the next day. Ideally, it would have been nice to know where I wanted food from and place an order ahead, then, after my errand run; I could swing by and pick up my food on my way home for lunch. I thought of a King Arthur from Round Table Pizza, but it was too much of a hassle to place the order, besides that’s not what I should be eating. 

What I craved were chow mein noodles. Maybe I’d head over to Panda Express at Tanforan for a quick pickup, but that was out of my way. I suddenly remembered Andy’s Café, which was perfectly on the way. I headed there after Trader Joe’s to place my order before continuing up Hickey to the cemetery. That plan failed when I found a darkened storefront and a sign saying they are closed on Tuesdays. Rats. So much for that perfect plan. I guess I will jump on the freeway and go to Panda Express anyway. 

After my cemetery visit, I headed to Tanforan. Since the mall is closed again, I knew my best bet was to park near the food court, but it didn’t look right when I drove over there—too few cars. People were loitering outside the entrance. The lights were on inside, too. That was a good sign. I parked and followed the signs on the glass doors, making it to the opened door. When I arrived at the door that appeared open with the security guy on the other side, I yanked on it, but it wouldn’t open. The security guy was doing some dance with his hands, but I didn’t understand his wiggling fingers. He finally opened the door and told me that everything was closed. Oh, okay, I figured that the food court would remain opened for takeout only, but I was wrong.

By this time, it was 2:30, and I was famished and needed nourishment before I passed out. What are my quick options? I racked my brain. I finally decided sashimi always works. Lucky’s was close by, and that’s how I resolved my craving for something different and flavorful, yet staying within my heart-friendly diet preference. 

A Moment in My Life – Wednesday, August 12, 2020

After three weeks of lost access to Word and Excel, I finally got the help I needed. I had one more month before my annual Office 365 subscription expired, but I was so fed up with Office 365 that I didn’t want to waste another second using it. 

After my Office Home & Student 2019 software arrived, I installed it and began using it immediately. I was in control of Word and Excel again! Yay! Until one day, when that ugly pestering banner appeared at the top of my Word doc and on my Excel spreadsheet, reminding me that my Office 365 subscription was about to expire and for me to renew. I could ‘X’ it closed, but every time I opened the app, the banner would reappear. I tweaked around and managed to get rid of that banner, so I thought. Office 365 continued to be a pain like the Hotel California, where you could check out any time, but you could never leave. After I did my Mac OS upgrade, that nasty banner reappeared everywhere! It’s like the temp from hell, who you can’t get rid of. This time, in my attempt to rid of it, I was not so fortunate. I have no idea what I did, but suddenly, my Word and Excel functionality greyed out on me. There was no resolution in sight, regardless of where I looked or what I attempted to do. I Googled and learned that many, and I mean many, users experienced the same situation I was experiencing. Alas, their solutions didn’t work for me, as it was often in the Mac world where it didn’t work.

I surfed around Microsoft’s website, hoping for a ‘Live Chat’ option but found none. At one point, I found a ‘Contact Us’ and clicked on it. It was an email to Microsoft, which got me a case #. I was elated and waited on pins and needles for a tech to respond. It turned out I could’ve walked to China and back and wouldn’t have missed their response. Five days later, I finally got an email that dumped the responsibility back on to my lap, saying that they hadn’t heard from me and if my problem was resolved to let them know so that they could close the case. I immediately emailed them back that this was the first response I received for this case, and yes, I still need help. I had to follow up with them again two days later, but I have not heard a peep back to date.

This week, I made it my priority to try reaching someone from Microsoft to get my case rolling. I lucked out and found a phone # (800) 642-7676, where I drilled down the automated system and got a live person who, unfortunately, couldn’t help me with my kind of problem, but she would transfer me to the team who could. Yes! There was little lag time before Jessa Trina picked up my call and began the mending process.

It turned out calling them was my only solution as Jessa spent an hour and ten minutes working on resolving this one teeny tiny little problem that stemmed from Office 365 not letting me go. The problem was, usually, once you install a standalone Office package, the new license trumps the old license and replaces everything in your hard drive wiping out Office 365 from memory. That’s how it’s technically supposed to work. In my case, it probably was because I installed the new software before Office 365 expired. However, from the online community complaints about the same problem, I was having, and because Jessa said this was a common problem that she services, I feel it’s more a quality control issue with Microsoft than anything else. 

What began as an easy fix, required Jessa three attempts to delete both the Office 365 and the 2019 licenses, uninstalling both apps, and finally reinstalling my 2019 software before Office 365 finally released hold of my hard drive. I was so glad that Jessa shared my screen and did all those tasks while I was watching instead of having me be her hands while she talked me through the process. She had to search my file manager to locate where my 2019 was installed. She asked me, but did I have a clue? No. When I did the install, I followed the instructions on the box, and voila, done. Did I bother to figure out where it was installed? No. I don’t see why that would have dawned on me to check that. Isn’t that why the tech folks get paid the big bucks?

That tech call was free but was worth every penny had I paid for it. Jessa fixed my problem and answered all my questions that I had about the Microsoft world in general. I learned how Microsoft works. I always thought I had to use my Hotmail whenever using Microsoft products. Don’t ask me why I thought that. My pea brain told me to do that from the start, so I did. I regret it because that email’s not my primary account anymore, but now all of my Office documents are tied to that email. Jessa said if I were still an Office 365 subscriber, she could transfer all of my files to another email address; however, since I signed up for my 2019 software with Hotmail, the license is linked to that email address and cannot be changed or transferred. I wish they had a disclaimer or footnote alerting us on stuff like this. Considering my dilemma, she didn’t recommend that I change my email at all, else I wouldn’t be able to sync my files between OneDrive and my 2019 apps.  

I’ve been pulling out my hair whenever I had to change my password regarding Microsoft, and thanks to Jessa, now I understand why. I never knew that if I changed my Hotmail password, it would automatically change my OneDrive password and vice versa. All products in the Microsoft suite included the auto-password change—Word, Excel, Outlook, PowerPoint, OneDrive. OneNote, and Skype. However, adding to my confusion, it turns out that my OneNote was excluded from this license because it was the free version that I’ve been using from day one; therefore, it had a separate password. Did I lose you now? 

When Jessa said she had to delete my Office apps from my hard drive and she drilled down all the apps, Word, Excel, PowerPoint, and Outlook. When she mentioned Outlook, I freaked because I didn’t want her messing with my Outlook since deleting the app sounded like I’d have to recreate all my email accounts afterward. She was very thorough. I lucked out with this exceptional tech. She looked at my Outlook and told me that what I thought was Outlook was not the Microsoft Outlook but rather the Mac mail system Outlook. Oh, okay, nice to know. All this time, I thought that Outlook was Outlook. I had no idea there was more than one.

I didn’t renew my Office 365 subscription because that meant Word and Excel were online. I could open a document to my desktop and work there; however, it saves to OneDrive online. If I didn’t have internet, I had no access to any of my files or to use Word or Excel. So much for going to a coffee shop and opening Word to write. That was how I quickly realized the problem with Office 365 and that it wasn’t going to work me. There were other complaints, but that’s neither here nor there.

When I told Jessa this, she explained that I could access my OneDrive files without internet access if I docked OneDrive to my desktop, which she did for me. She showed me how I could easily download my files to my hard drive via the right-click option to ‘Always Keep on this Device.’ If I change my mind, I right-click and choose the ‘Free Up Space’ option, and the files return to the cloud in OneDrive. 

After I hung up and looked at myself in the mirror, my eyes were bloodshot, and my face was flushed, which was the result of the hour-long data dump into my pea brain. It was time well spent, and I am forever richer in knowledge because of Jessa, my Microsoft tech hero.

A Moment in My Life – Tuesday, August 11, 2020

As I walked along, eating my cereal deep in thought, I reminisced the days when Mark and I would walk together side-by-side both in our little worlds. It was a fulfilling moment to be with someone you were comfortable with without the need for words. Companionship like that is worth more than gold. I miss those days terribly. I long for those days again but with the tall order of being, not with anyone, but with him. I can dream, hope, wish, or demand, but that’s never going to happen. The only thing that could happen is for me to reminisce those savored moments.

All I have are memories of us being together. Just being together in the simplest form like sitting next to each other on the couch doing our own thing, him watching some program that I have absolutely no interest in, but I didn’t mind. I enjoyed sitting near him to be with him. The car rides were so much more enjoyable with him riding along. We bantered about little things, brainstormed about what we wanted to eat, where we wanted to go, or sat in our thoughts enjoying the scenery. It didn’t matter what the activity was. The joy was just being together.

With SiP, I know we wouldn’t be the couple who would complain about being stuck in the same house with the same person day in and day out and night after night. No sir. Not us. Bring it on. We welcome being stuck in the same house together 24/7. If nothing else, we would have loved the opportunity just to be together even more.

People used to ask us how we managed to survive, not working, and living in a studio condo together every day, and we looked at each other and shrugged. We honestly never thought about that. It seemed like a natural thing to do when you are a couple. We respected each other and gave each other the space to be and do as we each pleased. It was great because we were able to do our own thing in the comfort of our own home, and when we finished, we would regroup and hang out together. No argument there.

You know what else I miss? I miss doing the housework together with him. We had the routine down. He did the vacuuming and dusting and the toilets. I did the organizing, tidying up, and the sinks and tubs. He did the mowing, trimming, and TLC tasks for the garden and I raked and swept. We worked alongside each other, just being together, and it was the most natural thing to do.

We had a good thing going. Sadly, it didn’t last long. I’m glad that we have so many beautiful memories to cherish. Many people I know, who are still together, sing a different tune. It saddens me that here I long for what I had while they don’t appreciate what they still have. 

I would give anything just being together with Mark again!

A Moment in My Life – Monday, August 10, 2020

I started my day with a case of the blahs—brought on by what? I have no idea. I slept well. It was Saturday, so I allowed myself to sleep in an hour. Okay, so if you think about it, it wasn’t really sleeping in since I went to bed a couple of hours later than I should’ve and would’ve if it were a school night. I felt well-rested when the alarm woke me at 7:00. I got up and got myself together, got my coffee, and just as I approached my desk, I felt it—the wave of something in my subconscious going nuts inside my mind. I stopped in my tracks, surveying my desk and surroundings. I concentrated, observing the cause that was like a puppy racing, from spot to spot inside my head, sniffing around, looking for something, but what? What was it telling me? What was causing the void? I don’t know. I had no idea what triggered it or what it was, but there it was, lingering, telling me something wasn’t right for me. You know what? I hate it when that happens. I dislike obscurity, especially when it comes to something troubling me.

I missed those days when I had Mark here to be my sounding board. He was always so comforting. Even if he wasn’t able to solve my problems, he patiently listened to me and offered possibilities that added value to my plight. That’s neither here nor there now.

I went to bed feeling happy and content and woke up with the blahs. About a year ago, I went to bed feeling happy and content but woke up the next day with a heart attack. Compared to that, I gladly take the blahs. What gives, though? I thought of the conversation I had with my friend on the phone the day before. She was feeling Covid-19 anxiety. As we talked, I told her that I’ve been fortunate that I haven’t experienced it, and I doubt that I would. Then, I woke up feeling the blahs. I call it the blahs for lack of a better description. I wonder if it was our chat that brought the blahs on.

As the morning drifted away, I was no closer to identifying the problem or the source. I hoped that some revelation would surface so that I would know what caused it, then I could fix the problem. When I realized that that wasn’t going to happen, I gave up letting it control my day. The only thing that I could think of to do was to reframe my mind. That’s when I decided that I needed to do something to change my course onto something more productive. 

I’ve intended to address the piles of stuff that I had for the Salvation Army. I googled and learned they were now opened seven days a week. Excellent! I couldn’t tell if the donation truck was open, though. I called them, and yes, they were opened. That got me excited and energized, and off to the garage to pack up everything ready for drop off.

Before I could run my errand, a friend texted me and alerted me to a mutual friend’s virtual wedding that was happening in an hour. I almost missed it! It was a beautiful wedding. I was thrilled that I didn’t miss it.

Long story short, the day may have started off looking glum, but once I reframed my attitude towards it, I was able to turn my day into a pleasant and productive one. Once I began down the new course, whatever was troubling me was replaced with good thoughts from a day well spent.

A Moment in My Life – Friday, August 7, 2020

Yesterday, I mentioned that when I discovered I was a writer in a family of talkers, I felt more alienated from my family than I already did. I know all families have a black sheep or two in their makeup—the one who doesn’t fit in with everybody else. That was me. It was, by no means, a poor reflection on my family. It merely meant that I was different from them. I didn’t respond to things the same way they did. My preferences differed from theirs. To top it off, it didn’t help that I was a hypersensitive person but didn’t know it until recent years. That’s a long time to live with a hard-to-deal-with trait without knowing you have it or how to live with it.

 My family is known for its friendliness and social eloquence. Whereas I was the social klutz who couldn’t remember the relatives’ titles, and the list is long, if my life depended on it. I miss my mother in that respect because she used to feed me the title as the relative approached so that I could properly address him or her, saving their face as well as my mother’s and mine. Saving face is crucial in Chinese culture. 

I didn’t like the same things that my family did. For example, from something as small as dough balls to a big deal like cilantro. My family all mmm their way through a bowl of broth with the big plain mushy white dough balls while I gag on them and dreaded when that was on the menu. A dish smothered with cilantro wouldn’t last long on our dinner table with no help from me. I cringe at the mention of the word. I remember sampling an apple sausage and grimaced as I tasted the cilantro in it. Mark couldn’t taste it at all, but when we inspected the list of ingredients, there it was—cilantro—listed way at the bottom, second from the last ingredient.

 Growing up, any form of talking was uncomfortable for me. If I didn’t know better, I’d think I had a case of glossophobia, but I didn’t know that word as a kid. Come to think of it; I didn’t know this word until I just Googled it. Speaking was not an easy task for me, period. I envied my older sister, who got that gene. I remember losing my voice before every speaking event, from as simple as reading a book report to speaking in front of a small group of women at a retreat. We’re not even talking about a large event. 

Over the years, I’ve gotten better at verbal communication. I’ve run meetings. I’ve done presentations at work, and I’ve spoken in a few different small group capacities. You might say that I’ve come out of my shell. I remember years where I used to attend some group events and left without having contributed a single word. I’m not proud of that. If anything, I was embarrassed I didn’t do my part and share something, anything at all, with the group. What can you do, though? Even if you didn’t know what it was or that you had it, phobias were debilitating in any form.

As I got older, I realized my fondness for one-on-one dates with people where the meaningful and deep conversation happened. I love getting to know people better, and talking was the means to that end. Come to think of, I’ve become quite a chatty-Cathy, as often, the event is closing the doors, and I’m still standing there chatting away with someone. Now, in my small group, I’m known for having something to say. One night, when a question was met in silence, the facilitator pointed to me and said, “What about you, Jeannie, you always have something to share?” What a transformation from the days of my youth! 

If I stood side-by-side with me of my formative years, you wouldn’t know we were the same person. As I meander down the path of my life, the callus peeled off from my shell, opening up the possibilities for some beautiful traits to surface. I think each of us takes a similar path through our life where we shed off the old and put on the new. Doing that gives us a chance to bridge the gap that separated us from people. I know it did for me. 

Part of living is continually learning, growing, and changing. All necessary to help us become the complete person that God created us to be. There is a time for every season, and I’m grateful that this is the season for me to be both a talker, like my family, and a writer, and I can’t be more pleased.

A Moment in My Life – Thursday, August 6, 2020

Wiz and I were talking about music, which led to his reminiscing about the time Mark was with him at Fioli, where Wiz engaged in an in-depth, meaningful musical discussion with the pianist who was performing there that day. Wiz and I morphed along those lines, ending up sharing our perspectives on Mark’s standing by while Wiz and the pianist compared notes. Afterward, Wiz was going to apologize to Mark for having gotten carried away in discussion, excluding him. Before Wiz got to apologize, Mark commented how much he enjoyed hearing the two musicians banter back and forth about their musical experiences. 

I told Wiz that if I had been in Mark’s shoes, I would’ve run off to do my thing and leave the musicians to banter in private because in my upbringing I would’ve felt excluded and rude to be listening in on someone else’s conversation that I wasn’t invited to join. Wiz was kind to say that if I had been there, he would’ve wanted me to stay and listen.

That conversation led me to share with him about my formative years when I had no voice and felt like an outsider. Long story short, Wiz summarized our discussion perfectly when he said, “By the very definition of the word, crucible, it describes your life and your struggles to a tee!” Bingo! He’s right.

As soon as I read that comment, the song “God Only Knows” resonated in my mind, and I knew I had to write this.

God knew us before we were born. He knew the life we would have. He knew what it would take to form us into the person we need to be to fulfill that life He had planned for us. We don’t pick the parents we get or the family we end up with. He does because He always provides the tools that we would need to do the job that He destined for us.

We encounter many jobs on our way to fulfilling the destiny He planned for us. God said he would never forsake us and would never give us more than we can handle. Sometimes I tell you, I wonder about that because in my life some things that happened, I felt like it was too much to bear. You know what, though, I survived it. That tells me that even though I thought it was too much for me to take, but God knew that it wasn’t. He is a loving God and would not put me to the task if I couldn’t handle it. That’s scary if you think about it because those who know me, know the many humongous trials I’ve been through already. However, here I am, standing tall and strong, having survived them. 

We don’t know where we’re heading or what lies before us, but He knows. I’ve learned to continue trusting Him because He is a loving and merciful God with only my best interest at heart. 

Now it all makes sense to me—why I was such a shy, quiet, introverted child who ended up finding solace on the page. God was preparing me to be a writer. He quieted me and directed my thoughts to the written word. Growing up, that set me apart even further, making me feel more alienated from my family of talkers than I already did. Today, as I chatted with Wiz, I get it now. I needed to live those specific moments in my life that formed the person I am today. If not for those unique experiences that God gave me personally, I wouldn’t be set apart, and I would be a talker instead of a writer, and then my purpose would never have been revealed.

Like the song says, God only knows what I’ve been through and how I struggled and hurt through it. God only knows the loneliness I felt and how I desired to be understood and loved. He knew. He knew why I needed to walk that walk. All I have to do is trust Him along the journey He has planned for only me. He said, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” ~ Jeremiah 29:11

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“God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength but with your testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it” (1 Corinthians 10:13)

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A Moment in My Life – Wednesday, August 5, 2020

When my friend told me that Tim McGraw was in Blind Side, I argued that he wasn’t in it because I couldn’t place which character he played. Even after she pointed him out to me, I stared so long and hard, but I couldn’t see Tim McGraw in Sean Touhy. My mouth fell opened when it hit me that the actor portraying Sean Touhy was, indeed, Tim McGraw. What a fine actor he is!

Wow, what a difference hair, makeup, and clothes can do to you!

This is an excellent reminder that people, in general, are all the same. We start with the same basic package. Depending on our preferences and creativity, we transform that basic package into something uniquely ours. That’s what makes all the difference, and that means there is no such thing as an ugly duckling because we are what we make of ourselves.

For example, let’s talk about one person. That one person looks way different in sweats than in an evening gown or a tuxedo for extreme contrast. It’s the same person, mind you, but merely changing the exterior completely altered that person’s outlook.

The other day, seven months since my last haircut, I had the works done—highlights and cut, and wow, do I look different or what? I missed seeing bangs on my forehead again! I look like someone else. I think I look younger, cuter, with bangs then with a bare forehead. Without the bangs, I look more authoritative, whereas my cuter bangs look comes across as more carefree.

The old saying ‘the clothes make the man’ says it all. I use this proverb lightly because my point here is not about being judged by the clothes we wear. Rather the point I’m making here is that our choices and style can impact the way we look. By merely changing our outfit or hairstyle could transform us into someone completely different. What that tells me is that we’re not locked down to looking a certain way. The canvas is completely blank for us to create the look that we want to achieve.

Like Tim McGraw, I read that to overcome his alcohol addiction, he turned to the gym and worked out like a mad man, which transformed his body into the beautiful masterpiece that God created for him. Seeing Tim as Sean Tuohy compared to seeing Tim today confirms my point that everybody can become the person s/he wants to be.

We can be the person we want to be with a little work, creativity, and courage to take that first step. We can let us be the way we see ourselves in our minds. Everybody has different tastes; therefore, not everybody will like or approve of an individual look. Don’t let that stop you from being you. We all want to be unique. At the same time, we don’t want to be different. That’s a tough one. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter what anybody else thinks. If you don’t like the way I look, you don’t have to look like me. You go and look like you, and let me look like me because that’s all we can do.

Therefore, I close with this reminder, ‘To thine own self be true.’